Haiku News, 10 October 2011

by CHRISTOPHER WOO

—–

US Military Drones Infected With Mysterious Computer Virus

This is no surprise
to those of us who know what
drones do after dark.

—–

Paul McCartney, Nancy Shevell wed in London

Another marriage?
Lets hope that this one has
a leg to stand on.

—–

Zsa Zsa Gabor undergoes stomach surgery

Wait a damn minute.
You mean to tell me that this
bitch is still alive?

—–

Steve Jobs’ pancreatic cancer may have been diagnosed late

Diagnosed too late?
The real tragedy is that
there’s no app for that.

—–

How Obama’s data-crunching prowess may get him re-elected

Vote for Obama!
Why? It is simple really.
This MoFo knows math!

Haiku News, 3 October 2011

by CHRISTOPHER WOO

—–

California prevents ban on male circumcision

Nothing to fear here.
You are free as a bee to
chop off your cock sock.

—–

Suspicious package probed on Biden brother’s road

Suspicious package?
Ha! Is that a euphemism?
Probe this here package!

—–

Battlefield 3 Beta Impressions

Ooh, very shiny.
Shoot people and cuss on chat.
Please pass the Cheetos.

—–

Kanye West’s Fashion Show ‘Monumental,’ Ciara Says

‘Imma’ let you finish,
But seriously Kanye,
you make clothing now?

—–

Will Earth Be Struck By Massive Asteroid? Probably Not

Probably not, huh?
This news is as useless as
this fucking Haiku.

—–

Dead bee mystery has state officials buzzing

Buzzing? Are you for real?
Bee’s and Buzzing. Ha ha ha!
See what you did there!

—–

Occupy Wall Street Day 13, October 2, 2011

Grab your damn pitch-fork,
And fire up the propane grill.
Time to eat the rich.

Haiku News, 26 September 2011

We all forget things at times... just like this silly hooch forgot to flush.

by CHRISTOPHER WOO

—–

Last minute recall –
Haiku News is due tonight.
Oh well, fuck it then!

—–

Haiku News Haiku –
A Haiku ’bout a Haiku.
Haiku Inception!

—–

Haiku News, 5 September 2011

by CHRISTOPHER WOO

—–

The newly-discovered Shroud Of Palin

Government sues 17 big banks for mortgages

Government suing banks
Going to recoup money
Just to waste again

—–

Sarah Palin gives a rousing non-campaign campaign speech in Iowa

Whenever mentioned
A Palin Presidential Run
Jesus cries kittens

—–

Will Chaz Bono Use Cher’s Music on Dancing With the Stars?

With Chaz Bono there
And that Cunt-faced Nancy Grace
Will anyone watch?

—–

New species of ancient rhinoceros found in Tibet

Spiritual Sage
Enlightened Rhinoceros
Prophesy foretold

—–

For $620K, You Too Can Own a Jet-Powered Batmobile

So this must be why
Class warfare is in vogue now
Republican toys

—–

Domino’s to serve pizzas on the Moon, apparently

The space vacuum
May actually help with
The cardboard flavour

—–

Who is WikiLeaks Blaming for Breaching Its Security?

WikiLeaks has leak
Should update security
With some WikiTweaks

Garbage Ass: A Poem

by J.MIZ
as interpreted by WOO

—

its a little creepy
when i’m peeing,
Dwight (cat) will saunter in
to drop one of his
Lucifer deuces.
then when i look
in repulsion
his eye contact is so intense
it pierces me
and my soul can smell his garbage ass.

Haiku’s From Popular Music

by Woo

99 Problems – Jay-Z

Rap mags, my black ass
Problems? I got Ninety-nine
Not one is a bitch

So What’cha Want – Beastie Boys

What’cha What’cha want
You can’t front, so what’cha want
What’cha What’cha want

Eastbound and Down – Jerry Reed

Loaded up, truckin’
Down and bound to the east, son
Watch ol’ Bandit run

Can’t Touch This – MC Hammer

I, dope on the mic
Sucka, ring the bell school’s in
Touch this? No, not you