Archive for ‘Literary Review’

May 30, 2011

Nursery Rhymes Are Stupid

by WOO

What is this one really about?

Ring Around The Rosies

Ring around the rosies
Pocket full of posies
Ashes ashes
ROFLPLAGUE!

———-

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

Twinkle twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are (You just said it’s a star, dumbshit!)
Up above the world so high
Like a diamond in the sky (Diamond? Have you taken geometry? You already said it’s a star!)
Twinkle twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are (Didn’t I just tell you?!)

———-

There Was An Old Woman

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe
She had so many children, she didn’t know what to do
She gave them some broth, without any bread
Whipped them all soundly, and sent them to bed

MODERNIZED:

There was an old hood rat who lived in the ‘jects,
She had eight children for the welfare checks
On the first of the month they ate upper class
by the 15th the kids whined about hunger, and mom beat that ass

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December 10, 2010

Book Review: Catcher In The Rye

by WOO

What a pile of crap. Nothing like reading 200 pages of nothing. Let me give you the condensed version:

“This one thing happened. Man I hate that. It’s so phony. Then something else happened. It killed me. I did such and such like a madman. The end.”

That’s the basic gist of this entire literary purse-snatcher. Our main character is supposed to be an angsty teenager, and this is somehow supposed to relate to the reader. I remember my teen years, but I don’t recall being an absolute ass-clown like this bastard. Holden Caulfield should be a slang term for kids that choose to screw themselves in life. If only someone in a People Killing Hat had let loose on Salinger before this shitpile missive was ever penned.

I’ll take this moment now to warn you of spoilers in the coming diatribe. I don’t know why though, because you should never read this suck-assed pile of shit.

So we follow this clusterfuck of a main character around for several days, painfully reading as he takes every possible good situation and screws it up. Why does he screw it up? Typically because he thinks it is “phony” or he “hates” it for no obvious reasons. Hell, he even goes to visit his History teacher, whom he likes and respects probably more than anyone, but becomes annoyed that this man is telling him he can and should do better.

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