Posts tagged ‘WikiLeaks’

September 5, 2011

Haiku News, 5 September 2011

by CHRISTOPHER WOO

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The newly-discovered Shroud Of Palin

Government sues 17 big banks for mortgages

Government suing banks
Going to recoup money
Just to waste again

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Sarah Palin gives a rousing non-campaign campaign speech in Iowa

Whenever mentioned
A Palin Presidential Run
Jesus cries kittens

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Will Chaz Bono Use Cher’s Music on Dancing With the Stars?

With Chaz Bono there
And that Cunt-faced Nancy Grace
Will anyone watch?

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New species of ancient rhinoceros found in Tibet

Spiritual Sage
Enlightened Rhinoceros
Prophesy foretold

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For $620K, You Too Can Own a Jet-Powered Batmobile

So this must be why
Class warfare is in vogue now
Republican toys

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Domino’s to serve pizzas on the Moon, apparently

The space vacuum
May actually help with
The cardboard flavour

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Who is WikiLeaks Blaming for Breaching Its Security?

WikiLeaks has leak
Should update security
With some WikiTweaks

December 31, 2010

2010: Year in Review

by ANDREW HICKS and WE’RE NOT FUNNY

Pop a bottle of champagne. Shoot a gun in the air. Enjoy the lousy, unseasonably warm Smarch weather. And look back with us on 2010 in the news, entertainment and sports.

The BP Oil Spill catapulted almost five million barrels of oil into the Persian Gulf. The images were haunting and made us want to drink more black coffee. Since the oil spill, we at WNF stopped meticulously separating our recycling. Everything goes straight into the landfill now. At 162,000 barrels spilled per day, we figured there was no number of empty aluminum cans of Diet Ruby Red Squirt we could recycle to make up for it. It is our policy at WNF, when presented with a seemingly insurmountable challenge, to give up immediately.

The BP oil rig explosion that led to the spill happened on 4/20. It is purely coincidental that WNF senior staff was vacationing in Louisiana at the time and bragging to all our new Creole friends about the “giant underwater bong” we were going to “go put a torch to.”

Republicans took back a number of seats in the midterm elections. Christine O’Donnell insisted she was not a witch. We insisted, “It’d be a lot cooler if you were.”

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December 6, 2010

WikiFreaks

by We’re Not Funny

We’re Not Funny, like the rest of you, has been bombarded with media coverage and words of soundbite wisdom from TV talking heads about WikiLeaks, the controversial site that releases classified government information online. Much of the information that’s been leaked so far basically consists of mundane gossip about foreign dignitaries. It reminds us of that scene in Mean Girls where all the secret gossip about the junior class in the Burn Book gets photocopied and spread around school.

WikiLeaks has become so talked-about that online porn parody sites are already starting to rear their (wiki-)freak heads. Now nipple fetishists can visit WikiTweaks.com or watch shy virgins break out of their shells at WikiMeeks.com. Look hard enough in the adult crates at the flea market and you may even find an old-school VHS copy of Helen of Troy and the “Trojan Horse” in the Greased Palm Award-winning 1986 classic WikiGreeks.

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