Posts tagged ‘American Idol’

March 18, 2011

3DSC, Day 5: Favorite commercial jingle

by WE’RE NOT FUNNY
edited by ANDREW HICKS

WNF 30-DAY SONG CHALLENGE
DAY 5: FAVORITE COMMERCIAL JINGLE

^ Exists.

RYAN KRAUSE
“Big or small
Short or tall
Gay or straight
You can find it all at Overweight Date.

That’s right, http://www.overweightdate.com.

J.MIZ
OMG! Ryan needs pussy if he’s chubby-chasing. Poor guy. Fuck… And that’s now my fav jingle as well.

RYAN KRAUSE
I heard it on AOL Radio while listening to the metal station.

SARA J ROSE
Always did like the Kit Kat jingle… “Give me a break, give me a break, break me off a piece of that…”

JAMES DRAPER
“Pow-Pow Power Wheels!” The “588-2300-Empire” jingle from broadcasts of Cubs games. Jim Gaffigan built his whole career from the Hot Pockets song.

BUDDAH ESKEW
FreeCreditReport.com band is awesome… “I wish I were an Oscar Meyer weiner…” The Chili’s baby back ribs song is catchy too… Too many to choose from… Damn you, Hicks!

MICHELLE DEE
I used to like “My Buddy” when I was younger, but now I’m older, I know what stalking is, and I’ve seen Child’s Play. So now it’s just creepy.

J.MIZ
I hate one. Sounds horrible, but the Stand Up To Cancer theme song. It’s like some halfwit, special-ed, B-list, meh-type, wannabe “We Are the World” / “Do They Know It’s Christmas” shit, bad attempt at gaining some cancer-based solidarity. Like fuck, you couldn’t even have gotten the “She Bangs” guy from Idol or any pseudo-singer to stand their ass up for cancer? And what if they have cancer and can’t stand up? Racists!

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March 15, 2011

3DSC, Day 2: Least favorite patriotic anthem

by WE’RE NOT FUNNY
edited by ANDREW HICKS


THE WNF 30-DAY SONG CHALLENGE
DAY 2: LEAST FAVORITE PATRIOTIC ANTHEM

SAAD AHMED
The ones from other countries.

J.MIZ
I hate them all. Every American anthem sounds like fucking Pilgrim rubbish or a fucking Ford commercial. Canada had the right idea: gank somebody else’s song and toss some new words on it. We ain’t gots times fo’ dis booshit!

C.J. DODD
Whichever one Christina Aguilera fucked up.

MICHELLE DEE
“God Bless the USA,” by everyone and anyone who had a slight amount of talent after 9/11. Especially the American Idol fucks.

INSCRUTABLE JEFFREY TROTTER
That song is a blast at karaoke. You cannot go too far over the top with it.

ANDREW HICKS
Narrowly escaped with my life in a hillbilly bar in 2003 after changing the lyrics to “God Bless Saddam Hussein.”

Soviet WWF wrestler Nikolai Volkoff, in his trademark black hat and red women's underwear.

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January 22, 2011

Woo’s News, Jan. 22, 2011

by Woo

‘American Idol’ gives Fox its best Thursday ratings in 16 years

Fox also received a hand-job from Steven Tyler to score some blow.

Rumour also has it J-Lo and Tyler are hooking up, sources close to the pair indicate Lopez as feeling Steven is the only man alive who could possibly be uglier than Mark Anthony.

Bank of America Posts 4th-Quarter Loss of $1.2 Billion

We’ll have something to say on this subject once we give a fuck!

Larynx transplant restores voice to Central Valley woman

Husband said to be suing hospital and all Doctors involved, as he now can’t get the bitch to shut-up.

Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords leaves Tucson

Too soon? Too soon.

It’s National Hugging Day

National Hugging Day? Sounds like National Free Pass On Sexual Harassment Day.

December 31, 2010

2010: Year in Review

by ANDREW HICKS and WE’RE NOT FUNNY

Pop a bottle of champagne. Shoot a gun in the air. Enjoy the lousy, unseasonably warm Smarch weather. And look back with us on 2010 in the news, entertainment and sports.

The BP Oil Spill catapulted almost five million barrels of oil into the Persian Gulf. The images were haunting and made us want to drink more black coffee. Since the oil spill, we at WNF stopped meticulously separating our recycling. Everything goes straight into the landfill now. At 162,000 barrels spilled per day, we figured there was no number of empty aluminum cans of Diet Ruby Red Squirt we could recycle to make up for it. It is our policy at WNF, when presented with a seemingly insurmountable challenge, to give up immediately.

The BP oil rig explosion that led to the spill happened on 4/20. It is purely coincidental that WNF senior staff was vacationing in Louisiana at the time and bragging to all our new Creole friends about the “giant underwater bong” we were going to “go put a torch to.”

Republicans took back a number of seats in the midterm elections. Christine O’Donnell insisted she was not a witch. We insisted, “It’d be a lot cooler if you were.”

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December 23, 2010

My Sexcation

by Pseudonymous

I really wanted to sleep with a midget, just once in my lifetime.

It all started out innocently enough. I learned that prostitution was legal in Nevada, so long as it was outside the Las Vegas city limits. This got me thinking about one of my life goals, to have relations with a little person. As Nevada is not exactly within acceptable driving distance just to get a little ass I decided I would have to make a vacation out of it. My wife had been pushing me to book us a vacation anyhow. Yes, my wife. As any good woman should, she supports me in my life goals. She wants me to self-actualize, and if that means playing spin the midget on the cock then so-be-it.

So I placed a call to a favorably reviewed brothel, The Sex Buffet Loveranch. I advised them I had very specific fantastical needs, and inquired if they had any midget prostitutes. I was quickly corrected by the person on the other end, “We call them Dwarfitutes, sir!” Well, alright, call them whatever you want just tell me that you have one available for my demented fantasies. I was given information about their two Dwarfitutes, including web profiles with photos, specialties, etc. I quickly made my decision which one I preferred, and booked a few hours with her. The decision was an easy one, as I wanted to fuck a scaled-down chick, not one whose head was larger than my own, but on a 4 foot frame.

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