Posts tagged ‘Chicago’

September 3, 2011

Song Challenge 19: Adult-Contemporary Guilty Pleasures

edited by ANDREW HICKS

Chicago's "Look Away" video: Hot chick. Fiery explosion. Still somehow boring.

ANDREW HICKS
Okay, I’ll go first. One of my guiltiest of guilty pleasures is Chicago‘s “Look Away.” It’s a Diane Warren song, even (that lady has written some of the worst pop ballads of all-time and become a billionaire in the process), and I love its maudlin gaudiness. The video, on the other hand, looks like an awful version of the depressing first half of a Folgers commercial with pyrotechnics tossed in.

ANNE GARDNER
What does “adult contemporary” mean exactly? Music that appeals to adults or music made by adults? Or both?

ERIC DOHMAN
Any music where you can replace the word “baby” with “Jesus” and it still sounds like it fits.

T. ALLAN CHRISTOPHER
The narrowed-down definition would be: music by people our age for people our age. However, you can look at “past adult contemporary” music as well, which was music for peers in that time period. Think of softer, more R+B-driven non-bubblegum pop. Michael Bolton, Kenny G, Amy Grant‘s secular stuff, Elton John, Billy Joel, etc.”

ERIC DOHMAN
“Look away, Jesus, look away…

read more »

April 29, 2011

3DSC, Day 13: Song you naively put on a mix tape thinking it was a panty dropper

edited by ANDREW HICKS
creatively conceived by J.MIZ

WNF 30-DAY SONG CHALLENGE
DAY 13: SONG YOU NAIVELY PUT ON A MIX TAPE THINKING IT WAS A PANTY DROPPER

Samwell: sexual chocolate consuming sexual chocolate.

J.MIZ
Guys: “Me So Horny,” 2 Live Crew will always work on me. End of story.

ANDY HUBER
Thong Song” worked for me, but when I asked where she got her Coleman panties from, she told me the camping section at Wal-Mart. I also once put “Closer” by NIN on as foreplay, but the girl got mad when I misunderstood the chorus and brought out a labrador.

ANDREW HICKS
“I want this enormous dog to feel you from the inside.”

J.MIZ
I threw on In the Butt” by Samwell cuz I wanted a guy to hit the backdoor, but that was before I knew his past history of being anally raped in prison. Shoulda known something was up when he disappeared into the shower, crying and comfort rocking for three hours.

ANDREW HICKS
I used to think “Gett Off” by Prince would have the magic effect on a lady, but it’s too much work to stop and think about those dumbass lyrics. “So Prince has a friend named Vanessa Bett? I’ve never heard of anyone with the last name Bett. I think he just needed a word to rhyme with wet. How fucking elementary. And I’m supposed to get turned on that Vanessa Bett had a fantasy about ‘a little box with a mirror and a tongue inside’? Is this ‘box’ as in ‘vagina’? Or an actual box with a mirror and tongue? Is the mirror there so the tongue can groom itself? Does the tongue lick the mirror and THAT’S sexy? Does the tongue have nostrils and is snorting coke off the mirror?” And at that point, I’m just like, “Okay, let me drive you home now.”

read more »

February 8, 2011

Comedy In Purgatory: Catharsis

by ANDREW KING

Writer’s block. It happens to everyone. I’m experiencing it right now. Mine is a combination of indecisiveness and lack of motivation. I can’t decide what to write about: the legendary comedy boom of the ’80s, hecklers, alt comedy, idols, maybe a personal story or two… I don’t know. Can’t decide.

I have screenplays that need work, stand up material that needs to be refined, hundreds of recordings that I can salvage a few good ideas from, and, worst of all, an abundance of free time, but I just can’t do it. I don’t think it’s laziness or procrastination, though I am a master of both. It has to be something else… but what?

It might be that I can usually rationalize the wasting of time.

When it comes to screenplays, I tell myself, “Well, I have one finished and a couple others are mostly done. That’s enough considering where I am.”

The hundreds of recordings are a little intimidating to go through. I have over 500 recordings collecting virtual dust in my computer. They contain stand-up premises, story ideas, daily memos, tag lines, rants, and it’s just a mess. I tell myself, “I’ll get more serious when I’m closer to leaving, I’m not getting out of here for at least another year, what’s the point?” Which is terrible. All I’m doing is hurting my development as a comedian by doing that.

On the other side of that, however, is, Okay, what if I did go through those recordings? What if I went through them? I probably have a good 10 minutes buried in those archives. Even if I found it all and worked it all out I’d have a hell of a time trying to find a place to test it. You can’t count on the reactions of bars and coffee house open mics, and since comedians are constantly writing new material, that newer material is going to take priority over older, unfinished ideas when you go to a comedy open mic.

read more »

January 28, 2011

Hate Music: A WNF Free-For-All

by WE’RE NOT FUNNY
edited by ANDREW HICKS

QUESTION: What enduring popular songs or music acts can you absolutely not stand?

J.MIZ: I hate anything by The Doors. I hate Metallica. I hate Trent Reznor — the only time I’d use a strap-on on a d00d. I never ever liked Nirvana. Madonna suck began with Ray of Light. I like one Led Zeppelin song. And I really don’t give two shits about Smashing Pumpkins.

ANDREW HICKS: I’ve been going to regular karaoke for almost a decade, and there are a handful of cliches whose single opening notes instantly and eternally grate on me. Bob Seger‘s “Turn the Page” might be the most heinous offender. Faith Hill‘s “Breathe,” Martina McBride‘s “My Daughter’s Eyes” and “I Hope You Dance” from Lee Ann Womack are the trifecta of suicidally bad chick adult-contemporary country.

VICKIE SAUSEDA: “Mickey.” Toni Basil is a fucking cock tease. First she wants to go home, then she wants him around. Back and forth. Also, what kind of dipshit woman tells her man he’s pretty? And, on a personal level, “Mickey” rhymes with “Vickie.” Why do people think I want this song, damn clapping and all, sung to me?

C.J. DODD: I hate Ke$ha. The dollar sign in her name comes from the large amount of single dollar bills she received when she sold out.

ANNE GARDNER: “I Honestly Love You,” by Olivia Newton John. Worst. Lyrics. Ever. Honestly.

WOO: Anything by bands with the name of a city — Boston, Chicago, etc. Fuck em all! And anything by The Eagles. Used to love them, now can’t stand them at all since that Hell Freezes Over bullshit.

MICHELLE DEE: Get over it, Woo… I hate anything by Olivia Newton John. Her voice makes my teeth ache. I also hate “We’re Not Gonna Take It” from Twisted Sister.

read more »