Inconspicuously Lit

by ANDREW HICKS

The Long Island Iced Tea was invented in Prohibition times to throw off the law, because it actually looked like an innocent, non-alcoholic beverage. Prohibition is long over, but you might find yourself in need of a drink that no one knows is a drink. So if you’re somewhere that doesn’t allow conspicuous consumption, all you need to make this innocent-looking drink is:

• A bottle of vodka
• A bottle of gin
• A bottle of rum
• A bottle of tequila
• A bottle of triple sec
• A bottle of sour mix
• A bottle of Coke
• A ton of ice
• A flash blender
• A quart-sized silver mixing tin
• Seven towels to wrap your glass bottles in, so they don’t clank
• An enormous duffel bag to put all this shit in

Smuggle these 12 things into whichever place prohibits alcohol, and you too can walk around with your “iced tea” and a knowing wink to flash the cool people. This plan is genius, and this plan is utterly foolproof.