Posts tagged ‘Star Wars’

July 22, 2011

Toy News

by JAMES DRAPER, TONY FYLER and ERIC DOHMAN
edited by ANDREW HICKS

creatively conceived by JAMES DRAPER

THIS WEEK’S TOP NEWS HEADLINES FROM THE TOY WORLD

  • Fans shocked when Slinky comes out of closet totally straight
  • World Champion Memory player loses game somewhere in house
  • Panel of small children judges box “better than the toy” for 97th-straight year
  • GI Joe takes advantage of DADT repeal, says he’s now free to be himself on front lines
  • Mr. Potato Head’s parts stolen; crestfallen kids’ toy left with blank look on face
  • Weeble shot in ass, wobbles, falls down
  • Teddy Ruxpin confirms worst suspicions, slaughters family while singing happy songs
  • Big Wheel has tires chewed up by neighborhood dog, develops traction
  • Red Rider production line halted after child shoots eye out with BB gun
  • Legos Eggo’d
  • Slip ‘n Slide launches “Lay Down ‘n Nap” toy for elderly
  • Thomas the Tank: “I’ve always dealt with body image issues”
December 23, 2010

My Sexcation

by Pseudonymous

I really wanted to sleep with a midget, just once in my lifetime.

It all started out innocently enough. I learned that prostitution was legal in Nevada, so long as it was outside the Las Vegas city limits. This got me thinking about one of my life goals, to have relations with a little person. As Nevada is not exactly within acceptable driving distance just to get a little ass I decided I would have to make a vacation out of it. My wife had been pushing me to book us a vacation anyhow. Yes, my wife. As any good woman should, she supports me in my life goals. She wants me to self-actualize, and if that means playing spin the midget on the cock then so-be-it.

So I placed a call to a favorably reviewed brothel, The Sex Buffet Loveranch. I advised them I had very specific fantastical needs, and inquired if they had any midget prostitutes. I was quickly corrected by the person on the other end, “We call them Dwarfitutes, sir!” Well, alright, call them whatever you want just tell me that you have one available for my demented fantasies. I was given information about their two Dwarfitutes, including web profiles with photos, specialties, etc. I quickly made my decision which one I preferred, and booked a few hours with her. The decision was an easy one, as I wanted to fuck a scaled-down chick, not one whose head was larger than my own, but on a 4 foot frame.

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