Posts tagged ‘Spiderman’

September 17, 2011

Facebook “Likes”

ACTUAL FACEBOOK PAGE PAIRS “LIKED” BY WNF CONTRIBUTORS*
edited by ANDREW J HICKS

  • Amanda Doppler likes God and Whores.
  • Andrew J Hicks likes Stalking and Restraining Orders.
  • T. Allan Christopher likes Feminism and Strippers.
  • Vickie Sauseda likes Eating Cat Food and Alzhiemer’s Awareness.
  • Andrew J. Hicks likes Prince and Androgyny.
  • Eve Ventrella likes Unsafe Sex and World AIDS Day.
  • T. Allan Christopher likes We’re Not Funny and Dane Cook.
  • Eric Dohman likes Spiderman and Arachnophobia.
  • Eve Ventrella likes Sylar and Are You Prone To Masturbate or Addicted To Masturbating?
  • C.J. Dodd likes Trying New Things and Gays Should Marry!
    [MICHELLE DEE: C.J. isn’t playing by the rules. When I go on his FB page, I just see “C.J. Dodd likes The Lion King.”
    C.J. DODD: C.J. Dodd likes Punching Women In The Face and Michelle Dee Playing Her Cards Right Or Else.”]
  • Eric Dohman likes Boats and Hoes.
  • C.J. Dodd likes Jesus and Premarital Sex That Ends Up In A Bastard Child But We Can’t Abort It Because That’s Against Our Religion And Oh God Why Am I So Lonely And Using Hypothetical Likes To Express What’s Really Going On In My Life To A Bunch Of Pseudo-Comedians Fuck It Suicide Is The Only Recourse.
  • Michelle Dee likes Gamers and Abstinence.
  • Eric Dohman likes Anal Beads and Rosary.
  • T. Allan Christopher likes Midgets and Velcro.
  • Eric Dohman likes Airplanes and Arabs.
  • T. Allan Christopher likes Vans and Candy.
  • Andrew J Hicks likes Down Syndrome and Lead Poisoning.
  • C.J. Dodd likes Shitting Into Elongated Cunts and Good Manners.

*Mostly. Some are made up and don’t actually exist.

June 21, 2011

Broken News, June 20, 2011

by WE’RE NOT FUNNY
edited by WOO

Cows churn out “human breast milk”

The Chinese playing god with my breast milk? I don’t think so. Just another way for that damn Nazi Obama, the socialist bastard,  to piss on Lady Liberty’s udders, and I will not stand for it! America used to mean something! This and more tonight with me, Glenn Beck.

What will they call it, “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Breast Milk”?

Bono’s “Spider-Man” musical still weak, critics say

Perhaps Bono should go back to making world peace, rather than giving the world pieces of crap?

On the positive side of reviews, Former President Bill Clinton is quoted as saying, “It was so good I needed a cigar and a fat girl afterwards. Not necessarily in that order.”

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June 19, 2011

Daddy Lessons

by WE’RE NOT FUNNY
edited by ANDREW J HICKS

"Yeah, yeah, I'm lickin' your balls..."

[EDITOR’S NOTE: On this Hallmark holiday that finishes a distant third to Valentine’s and Mother’s Day, the fathers on the WNF staff have united to share a few words of (mostly immature) wisdom to all the dads and expecting dads who might be reading. Which probably won’t be many, given that our readership demographic is 91% female since Friday’s “Shit Bags” post. Also, a couple of our contributors who don’t have kids felt the need to contribute anyway, proving they don’t pay a lick of attention to instruction. I’m just desperate enough for material that I’m using their jokes anyway. Happy Father’s Day, everyone! –AJH]

DADDY LESSONS

  • When the labels say “Keep out of reach of children,” remember your children will be able to reach about twice as far as you think they can.
  • Any time you change a diaper, you’re engaging in a delicate game of Russian Roulette. Maybe not this time, and maybe not next time, but one of these times, you’re gonna get smoked.
  • You will think your kids are awesome. You will think everyone else’s kids suck. This is how the other parents feel, too.
  • When potty training your toddler, you will have to juggle the actions of wiping your little one’s bum and preventing the dog from eating baby poop.
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February 19, 2011

___-Harmony

by WE’RE NOT FUNNY
edited by ANDREW HICKS

ANDREW HICKS
Online dating site for thugs: G-HARMONY.
…for last-ditch desperation: PLEA-HARMONY.
…for homosexual TV fanatics: GLEE-HARMONY
…for the mentally challenged: REE-REE-HARMONY.
…for little people: WEE-HARMONY.

WOO
Online dating site for itchy bitches: FLEA-HARMONY.
…for my flower pollinators out there: BEE-HARMONY.
…for middle-aged men looking for showpiece wives: TROPHY-HARMONY.
…for Will Smith fans: JIGGY-HARMONY.
…for hot-tubbers: JACUZZI-HARMONY.

J.MIZ
Online dating site for swingers: KEY-HARMONY.
…sponsored by NAMBLA: PRE-HARMONY.
…for “social” cocaine users: SKI-HARMONY.
…for dumb racist americans: TEA-HARMONY.
…for people with OCD: 1-2-3-HARMONY.

ANDREW HICKS
Online dating site for fellatio performance artists: KNEE-HARMONY.
…for extraterrestrial invaders: V-HARMONY.
…for French midget Nintendo lovers: OUI-WEE-WII-HARMONY.
…for the Greatest Of All Time: ALI-HARMONY.
…for Arbor Day enthusiasts: TREE-HARMONY.

WOO
Online dating site for skinheads: NAZI-HARMONY.
…‎867-5309.com: JENNY-HARMONY.
…for those who head out to the front porch with their boomboxes and St. Ides: 40-HARMONY.
…for the homies feelin’ Thuggish Ruggish: BONE THUGS AND HARMONY-HARMONY.
…for people who like to be absolutely sure… for people who like to be absolutely sure: REDUNDANCY-HARMONY.

J.MIZ
Online dating site that’s a real trip: LSD-HARMONY.
…where all your wishes will come true: GENIE-HARMONY.
…for cheese lovers: BRIE-HARMONY.
…for salad tossers: SYRUP OR JELLY-HARMONY.
…for HEY LOOK, A SQUIRREL! Wait, what?? ADD-HARMONY.

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