Posts tagged ‘President’

October 6, 2011

Lesser-Known 2012 Presidential Candidates

Editing and artwork by CHRISTOPHER WOO

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Contributors: T. Allan Christopher, Michelle Dee, Andrew J. Hicks

April 17, 2011

Who cooks their french fries in gasoline?

by MICHELLE DEE

WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN AMERICA GOES TO HELL

  • Electricity is now a rare commodity – A nationwide outcry of “I’M BORED” is eerily heard in the night from America’s unplugged children.
  • The Internet has become even more rare – Tens of millions of Facebook and World of Warcraft addicts now turn to more attainable methadone to dull the effects of withdrawal.
  • Oil production ceases – The streets of America are filled with hilarious sightings of Fat-Former-French-Fry-Eating-Mofos on rusted little bikes.
  • Looting, violence, and protection of life and property are now the norm – Fear of crazy right-wing gun owners reaches an all time high, resulting in extreme hippie liberals becoming sought after with their arsenal of weapons and ammunition to combat this growing threat.
  • The end of digital music creates “The Lost Generation” – These people will be out of the loop with the “new” way of music, as cassettes and CDs make a huge comeback in battery-powered devices.
  • Extreme capitalism takes over – Biff Tannen becomes President.
December 6, 2010

Small Town

by We’re Not Funny

I was born in a small town. I was raised in a small town. Used an outhouse in a small town. Tipped some cattle in a small town.

Drove two dozen miles to get groceries in a slightly bigger town. Drove back to the small town.

Went crazy adjusting my TV’s rabbit ears in a small town. Ended up listening to the radio in a small town. Couldn’t find crap on that dial in a small town.

Got fucked by a Cougar in a small town. Unfortunately, it was John Cougar Mellencamp in a small town.

My town was so small that the black guy had to live on our side of the tracks. It was so small that one time we tied up Gulliver. And raped him. He was asking for it in a small town.

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