Posts tagged ‘Pot’

July 12, 2011

A Pothead Speaks: Why Marijuana Should NOT Be Legalized

by KB MARION
edited by ANDREW HICKS and WOO

It's a quick leap from legalization to corporatization. But there won't be any Dollar Menu for weed.

I absolutely cannot stand the progressive mentality. Progress is not always the best thing for society. Take, for instance, the Internet. Yes, it allows us to download free music and keep up with the latest ever-so-important celebrity gossip, but the web is also a widespread tool for degenerates with an exorbitant amount of resources. Prior to the Internet, you could always tell the perverts by their wiry grin, ’70s mustache and windowless van. Well, unfortunately, progressivism is butting its ugly head into my stash. There is a movement to legalize marijuana, and as a weed smoker, I am against it.

Many people have stated that the marijuana crop will help with our nation’s deficit. However, for every action, there is an opposite and equal reaction (or so I’ve heard). Proponents of legalization are idealistic and too trusting of the American government. Anything that has value in the United States always garner greedy lobbyists who ruin it for everyone except the few who would benefit — in this case, Wall Street and the would-be corporate growers. This is already occurring in California, where medical marijuana growers helped vote down the legalization bill. Nope, marijuana ain’t just for hippies anymore. Our beloved green has been going corporate, and this is just the beginning.

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January 10, 2011

Dear Chevelle, Jan. 10, 2011

Dear Chevelle:

Hello. This is Clara Mae Jenkins, and I has a concern I would like your assistance with. You see, I think my husband has been sexualizin with the babysitter. The kids tell me they “wrestle” together, the sitter and my man. They do it in the bedroom after hubbie comes home from work but before I get home from my evenin’ shift at Denny’s. Please tell me what I should do, I can’t stand the thought of him with that skank.

Sincerely,
Worried In Wichita

Dear Worried,

Once I thawt my 3rd baby’s daddy was cheatin on me while I was at work.  I called his momma, Paster Greg, and Raydene – the big mouthed tubby-slut across the street – over for sum pie and coffee while the kids were in school.  I busted right in on him and that cum-guzzling hussy.  Now, not only is he paying me an obscene amount of child support, his momma knows his baby ain’t got no daddy,  he had to confess before the priest, and the entire town knows he was with that 4-toothed, chain-smoking whore.  Maybe this will work for you, sister? Lord willin!

Sincerely,
Chevelle

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December 15, 2010

Warning: Inept Robbers On The Loose

by RYAN K.

Doors were locked – dead-bolted to be exact, yet the evil men decided to penetrate my house while my roommate and I were at work this evening. It seems to be the typical smash n’ grab situation. They got away with my laptop, TV/Monitor, digital camera, $300.00 cash – which was nicely situated on my desk – next to the laptop (charging and awaiting the triumphant return of his master who would have used him once again to look up conspiracy theories, shitty music videos, and yes, an indecent amount of filthy porn). My roommate lost his fair share also: PS3 (he wasn’t too attached to it though, I mean he only purchased it two nights ago, literally!), 40-some inch plasma TV, and his wallet was taken from his desk and thrown on the couch because there wasn’t anything in there but a Walmart gift card.

The reasons why I think this is the worst robbery ever are as follows:

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