Posts tagged ‘Nirvana’

April 29, 2011

3DSC, Day 13: Song you naively put on a mix tape thinking it was a panty dropper

edited by ANDREW HICKS
creatively conceived by J.MIZ

WNF 30-DAY SONG CHALLENGE
DAY 13: SONG YOU NAIVELY PUT ON A MIX TAPE THINKING IT WAS A PANTY DROPPER

Samwell: sexual chocolate consuming sexual chocolate.

J.MIZ
Guys: “Me So Horny,” 2 Live Crew will always work on me. End of story.

ANDY HUBER
Thong Song” worked for me, but when I asked where she got her Coleman panties from, she told me the camping section at Wal-Mart. I also once put “Closer” by NIN on as foreplay, but the girl got mad when I misunderstood the chorus and brought out a labrador.

ANDREW HICKS
“I want this enormous dog to feel you from the inside.”

J.MIZ
I threw on In the Butt” by Samwell cuz I wanted a guy to hit the backdoor, but that was before I knew his past history of being anally raped in prison. Shoulda known something was up when he disappeared into the shower, crying and comfort rocking for three hours.

ANDREW HICKS
I used to think “Gett Off” by Prince would have the magic effect on a lady, but it’s too much work to stop and think about those dumbass lyrics. “So Prince has a friend named Vanessa Bett? I’ve never heard of anyone with the last name Bett. I think he just needed a word to rhyme with wet. How fucking elementary. And I’m supposed to get turned on that Vanessa Bett had a fantasy about ‘a little box with a mirror and a tongue inside’? Is this ‘box’ as in ‘vagina’? Or an actual box with a mirror and tongue? Is the mirror there so the tongue can groom itself? Does the tongue lick the mirror and THAT’S sexy? Does the tongue have nostrils and is snorting coke off the mirror?” And at that point, I’m just like, “Okay, let me drive you home now.”

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January 28, 2011

Hate Music: A WNF Free-For-All

by WE’RE NOT FUNNY
edited by ANDREW HICKS

QUESTION: What enduring popular songs or music acts can you absolutely not stand?

J.MIZ: I hate anything by The Doors. I hate Metallica. I hate Trent Reznor — the only time I’d use a strap-on on a d00d. I never ever liked Nirvana. Madonna suck began with Ray of Light. I like one Led Zeppelin song. And I really don’t give two shits about Smashing Pumpkins.

ANDREW HICKS: I’ve been going to regular karaoke for almost a decade, and there are a handful of cliches whose single opening notes instantly and eternally grate on me. Bob Seger‘s “Turn the Page” might be the most heinous offender. Faith Hill‘s “Breathe,” Martina McBride‘s “My Daughter’s Eyes” and “I Hope You Dance” from Lee Ann Womack are the trifecta of suicidally bad chick adult-contemporary country.

VICKIE SAUSEDA: “Mickey.” Toni Basil is a fucking cock tease. First she wants to go home, then she wants him around. Back and forth. Also, what kind of dipshit woman tells her man he’s pretty? And, on a personal level, “Mickey” rhymes with “Vickie.” Why do people think I want this song, damn clapping and all, sung to me?

C.J. DODD: I hate Ke$ha. The dollar sign in her name comes from the large amount of single dollar bills she received when she sold out.

ANNE GARDNER: “I Honestly Love You,” by Olivia Newton John. Worst. Lyrics. Ever. Honestly.

WOO: Anything by bands with the name of a city — Boston, Chicago, etc. Fuck em all! And anything by The Eagles. Used to love them, now can’t stand them at all since that Hell Freezes Over bullshit.

MICHELLE DEE: Get over it, Woo… I hate anything by Olivia Newton John. Her voice makes my teeth ache. I also hate “We’re Not Gonna Take It” from Twisted Sister.

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