Posts tagged ‘Neil Diamond’

September 3, 2011

Song Challenge 19: Adult-Contemporary Guilty Pleasures

edited by ANDREW HICKS

Chicago's "Look Away" video: Hot chick. Fiery explosion. Still somehow boring.

ANDREW HICKS
Okay, I’ll go first. One of my guiltiest of guilty pleasures is Chicago‘s “Look Away.” It’s a Diane Warren song, even (that lady has written some of the worst pop ballads of all-time and become a billionaire in the process), and I love its maudlin gaudiness. The video, on the other hand, looks like an awful version of the depressing first half of a Folgers commercial with pyrotechnics tossed in.

ANNE GARDNER
What does “adult contemporary” mean exactly? Music that appeals to adults or music made by adults? Or both?

ERIC DOHMAN
Any music where you can replace the word “baby” with “Jesus” and it still sounds like it fits.

T. ALLAN CHRISTOPHER
The narrowed-down definition would be: music by people our age for people our age. However, you can look at “past adult contemporary” music as well, which was music for peers in that time period. Think of softer, more R+B-driven non-bubblegum pop. Michael Bolton, Kenny G, Amy Grant‘s secular stuff, Elton John, Billy Joel, etc.”

ERIC DOHMAN
“Look away, Jesus, look away…

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March 15, 2011

3DSC, Day 2: Least favorite patriotic anthem

by WE’RE NOT FUNNY
edited by ANDREW HICKS


THE WNF 30-DAY SONG CHALLENGE
DAY 2: LEAST FAVORITE PATRIOTIC ANTHEM

SAAD AHMED
The ones from other countries.

J.MIZ
I hate them all. Every American anthem sounds like fucking Pilgrim rubbish or a fucking Ford commercial. Canada had the right idea: gank somebody else’s song and toss some new words on it. We ain’t gots times fo’ dis booshit!

C.J. DODD
Whichever one Christina Aguilera fucked up.

MICHELLE DEE
“God Bless the USA,” by everyone and anyone who had a slight amount of talent after 9/11. Especially the American Idol fucks.

INSCRUTABLE JEFFREY TROTTER
That song is a blast at karaoke. You cannot go too far over the top with it.

ANDREW HICKS
Narrowly escaped with my life in a hillbilly bar in 2003 after changing the lyrics to “God Bless Saddam Hussein.”

Soviet WWF wrestler Nikolai Volkoff, in his trademark black hat and red women's underwear.

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December 11, 2010

Christmas Muzak

by ANDREW HICKS

Every year around Thanksgiving, the musical floodgates open and heap steaming piles of reindeer dung on our listening ears. Anyone can drop a Christmas album at any time. Rick Springfield and the Captain and Tennille both released Christmas albums in 2007. Not 1982. Two thousand and freaking seven! And Toby Keith has a double-disc Christmas album! And I’ve heard it – the entire second disc is nothing but up-tempo boot-stomping songs about how Santa Claus doesn’t bring presents to towel-headed boys and girls.

Despite the flood of product, there’s really just a handful of Christmas songs, and there’s only so much you can do with the lyrics. Take: “It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.” Now there’s an observant soul who’s been to a shopping mall sometime since September. Nice work, poetic lyricist.

Or: “I’ll be home for Christmas… if only in my dreams.” Try using that one the next time your grandma invites you to that three-hour Christmas worship service at her Pentecostal church all the way across town. “Mom, thank you, I can’t wait, and I will definitely be there… if only in my dreams.”

That logic can be applied with very broad strokes. Maybe I’ll be a multi-billionaire with magic powers and a set of blond 19-year-old twins for Christmas… if only in my dreams.

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