Posts tagged ‘Momma’

January 25, 2011

Dear Chevelle, Jan. 25, 2011

[Editors Note: This bitch crazy!]

Hey y’all.  I apoligize for the late post.  I had my cousins weddin to attend this weekend. Beauteful weddin at the First Baptist Church.  The whole family thought this was a long time comin.  They have been together off and on for 18 years, so we were all happy to see her hitched finally.  All 9 of her kids were in the ceremony and it was very touchin. Unfortunately her other baby daddy showed up at the American Legion (father of the 2nd, 3rd, and 7th babies) and made quite a ruckus at the receptin. That man is always reeking of beer and ciggarettes.  But anyhoo, he got all up in my cousins face, and in turn I told him my piece then his loud mouthed lady friend got all up in my face.  That trailer trash princess had put her hands on me and well… I needed a place to put out my ciggarrette.  I was ready to tear into her. Took 3 officers to escort me out. So that’s how I ended up in county lock up over the weekend. I just got released this morning after visitin with that handsome judge I often see at the American Legion singles dances. I think he fancys me.  But anyhoo, I’m here to answer questions and late or not thats what I’m gonna do.

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Dear Chevelle,

Yo C, I got a situation. I gots this roomate and he be ‘illin. Leaving his socks all on the floor and laundry piled up outside his door. He got dishes stacked up in the sink, and don’t do shit up in this piece. It’s like he’s waiting for his momma to come over and magically make it all disappear. I’ve mentioned it and he gets all hype on me, stompin’ off like a whiny little bitch. How should I approach this?

Peace,
Dissed In Denver

Dear Dissed,

Look Honey, never underestimate the power of your momma, and judgin by the way you talk- go for his big momma. You tell them and have them come over.  I always tell my kids you aren’t too big for me to bust your ass. Same goes in your case. If that don’t work I would suggest throwing his crap out on the lawn. He’ll pick it up then! I know thats right!

Dear Chevelle,

I have entered myself in this Miss Kentucky Beauty Pageant. I am super nervous about the questions they are going to ask me, and I wonder if you can provide any tips on how to represent us country girls proper-like!

Lost In Louisville

Dear Lost,

Sugar you need to cram. May I suggest Jepordy re-runs or for more current happenins and news type questions take some lessons off the good folks at Fox News.  When in doubt World Piece and the Children are our future. Damn I love me some Whitney Houston.  Oh and always remember… You can never have too much hair spray!

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Y’all can write 2 me with this here in4mayshun:

Chevelle Danniels
117 Walton Way
Trayler # 13
Dumas, AR 71639

or Emale me at:
baybiezmomma78@aol.com

January 10, 2011

Dear Chevelle, Jan. 10, 2011

Dear Chevelle:

Hello. This is Clara Mae Jenkins, and I has a concern I would like your assistance with. You see, I think my husband has been sexualizin with the babysitter. The kids tell me they “wrestle” together, the sitter and my man. They do it in the bedroom after hubbie comes home from work but before I get home from my evenin’ shift at Denny’s. Please tell me what I should do, I can’t stand the thought of him with that skank.

Sincerely,
Worried In Wichita

Dear Worried,

Once I thawt my 3rd baby’s daddy was cheatin on me while I was at work.  I called his momma, Paster Greg, and Raydene – the big mouthed tubby-slut across the street – over for sum pie and coffee while the kids were in school.  I busted right in on him and that cum-guzzling hussy.  Now, not only is he paying me an obscene amount of child support, his momma knows his baby ain’t got no daddy,  he had to confess before the priest, and the entire town knows he was with that 4-toothed, chain-smoking whore.  Maybe this will work for you, sister? Lord willin!

Sincerely,
Chevelle

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