Posts tagged ‘Metallica’

July 16, 2011

Lost Rock Concept Collaborations

edited by ANDREW HICKS
creatively conceived by ERTEL GRAY and SARACAKES

Metallica scores movie starring Kermit and Miss Piggy: MASTER OF MUPPETS.

Woody Allen writes lyrics for Madonna album: NEUROTICA.

Courtney Love and Jonathan Davis hit the road: THE KORN/HOLE TOUR.

Stevie Nicks and Lindsey Buckingham’s album tribute to dance fads: FLEETWOOD MACARENA.

On the road with Styx and The Stones: THE WE’LL BREAK YOUR BONES TOUR.

Snoop Dogg’s long-awaited children’s album: HOW MUCH IS THAT DOGGYSTYLE IN THE WINDOW?

Britney Spears covers Pink Floyd: COMFORTABLY DUMB.

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March 17, 2011

3DSC, Day 4: A song that infuriates you

by WE’RE NOT FUNNY
edited by ANDREW HICKS


THE WNF 30-DAY SONG CHALLENGE
DAY 4: A SONG THAT INFURIATES YOU

"COLLECTION OF BUTCHERY IN MY TOOL SHED! / FEMALE HEADS AND ENTRAILS HANG FROM THE CEILING! / RATS FEASTING ON CHUNKS OF SKIN! / SHIT AND BLOOD STAINS SMEARED ON THE FLOOR! / NUM NUM NUM NUM NUM!!!"

SCOTTY HARRIS
Any song that contains use of “words” that can’t be found in a dictionary. By that, I mean rap, whatever that screaming crap is where they change pitch but never actually say anything, and a surprisingly large number of country songs.

J.MIZ
Ugh, I hate screamo Cookie Monster music too. “Gimme cookie / Gimme cookie / Gimme cookie / Dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!” And I hate country, save for some old stuff or the more pop-sounding new stuff.

INSCRUTABLE JEFFREY TROTTER
I really fucking hate the Ween song “Push th’ Little Daisies.” Not only is the song irritating like a “Judging Amy “marathon, but I also find the abbreviated “the” to be so incredibly fucking stupid that I very nearly don’t have the words. Fuck this song. Fuck this band and the two douchebags it’s comprised of with their made up fucking rhymefest names.

INSCRUTABLE JEFFREY TROTTER
I fucking hate WEEN!

J.MIZ
I hate weenises.

MICHELLE DEE
American Pie.” That’s right, I went there. Hate that song ever since I started frequenting karaoke. What kind of timecow are you to sing “American Pie” when 25 other people only have 3.5 hours to sing as many songs as they can?

Jenny Lewis. Don't worry, we haven't heard of her either.

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January 28, 2011

Hate Music: A WNF Free-For-All

by WE’RE NOT FUNNY
edited by ANDREW HICKS

QUESTION: What enduring popular songs or music acts can you absolutely not stand?

J.MIZ: I hate anything by The Doors. I hate Metallica. I hate Trent Reznor — the only time I’d use a strap-on on a d00d. I never ever liked Nirvana. Madonna suck began with Ray of Light. I like one Led Zeppelin song. And I really don’t give two shits about Smashing Pumpkins.

ANDREW HICKS: I’ve been going to regular karaoke for almost a decade, and there are a handful of cliches whose single opening notes instantly and eternally grate on me. Bob Seger‘s “Turn the Page” might be the most heinous offender. Faith Hill‘s “Breathe,” Martina McBride‘s “My Daughter’s Eyes” and “I Hope You Dance” from Lee Ann Womack are the trifecta of suicidally bad chick adult-contemporary country.

VICKIE SAUSEDA: “Mickey.” Toni Basil is a fucking cock tease. First she wants to go home, then she wants him around. Back and forth. Also, what kind of dipshit woman tells her man he’s pretty? And, on a personal level, “Mickey” rhymes with “Vickie.” Why do people think I want this song, damn clapping and all, sung to me?

C.J. DODD: I hate Ke$ha. The dollar sign in her name comes from the large amount of single dollar bills she received when she sold out.

ANNE GARDNER: “I Honestly Love You,” by Olivia Newton John. Worst. Lyrics. Ever. Honestly.

WOO: Anything by bands with the name of a city — Boston, Chicago, etc. Fuck em all! And anything by The Eagles. Used to love them, now can’t stand them at all since that Hell Freezes Over bullshit.

MICHELLE DEE: Get over it, Woo… I hate anything by Olivia Newton John. Her voice makes my teeth ache. I also hate “We’re Not Gonna Take It” from Twisted Sister.

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