Posts tagged ‘Marilyn Manson’

April 29, 2011

3DSC, Day 13: Song you naively put on a mix tape thinking it was a panty dropper

edited by ANDREW HICKS
creatively conceived by J.MIZ

WNF 30-DAY SONG CHALLENGE
DAY 13: SONG YOU NAIVELY PUT ON A MIX TAPE THINKING IT WAS A PANTY DROPPER

Samwell: sexual chocolate consuming sexual chocolate.

J.MIZ
Guys: “Me So Horny,” 2 Live Crew will always work on me. End of story.

ANDY HUBER
Thong Song” worked for me, but when I asked where she got her Coleman panties from, she told me the camping section at Wal-Mart. I also once put “Closer” by NIN on as foreplay, but the girl got mad when I misunderstood the chorus and brought out a labrador.

ANDREW HICKS
“I want this enormous dog to feel you from the inside.”

J.MIZ
I threw on In the Butt” by Samwell cuz I wanted a guy to hit the backdoor, but that was before I knew his past history of being anally raped in prison. Shoulda known something was up when he disappeared into the shower, crying and comfort rocking for three hours.

ANDREW HICKS
I used to think “Gett Off” by Prince would have the magic effect on a lady, but it’s too much work to stop and think about those dumbass lyrics. “So Prince has a friend named Vanessa Bett? I’ve never heard of anyone with the last name Bett. I think he just needed a word to rhyme with wet. How fucking elementary. And I’m supposed to get turned on that Vanessa Bett had a fantasy about ‘a little box with a mirror and a tongue inside’? Is this ‘box’ as in ‘vagina’? Or an actual box with a mirror and tongue? Is the mirror there so the tongue can groom itself? Does the tongue lick the mirror and THAT’S sexy? Does the tongue have nostrils and is snorting coke off the mirror?” And at that point, I’m just like, “Okay, let me drive you home now.”

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March 8, 2011

Scariest Celebrity Women To Not Have Sex With

by BUDDAH ESKEW
edited by ANDREW HICKS

HILARY CLINTON
I predict there is a lot of pent-up sexual frustration here, and her penis is   bigger than Bill’s. So I’ve heard.

FRAN DRESCHER
The voice! The voice! Did I mention the voice?

ZSA ZSA GABOR
One foot in the grave is sexy. Zsa Zsa has both feet in, and they’re Size 14s. Too old? Well, yeah, but bottom line: Too wrinkled and dry.

ANGELINA JOLIE
Hot? Yes, in a certain light, though I shrink up like a scared turtle.

LADY GAGA
Can you say “dominatrix”?

DOLLY MADISON
Okay, she’s dead, that’s sick. However, any chick with snack cakes makes me hard.

MARILYN MANSON
This chick can sing, but there is just something about her…

SARAH PALIN
See LADY GAGA.

OPRAH WINFREY
Damned! Look at the bank account on this chick. Now look at her body.  Throwing up a little. OKAY, A LOT!

RENEE ZELLWEGER
I think she is doggy. I foresee a sequel: Bridget Jones’ Diarrhea.

No matter how tempted you are by fortune, fame or kickass snack cakes, do not — I repeat, DO NOT! — have sex with these celebrities.