Posts tagged ‘M.C. Hammer’

November 10, 2011

Andrew vs. J.Miz: Heavy D Is Sinbad

by ANDREW HICKS and J.MIZ

From L to R: KRS-One, Scotty Pippin, Guy, Ralph Tresvant, "Sinbad," Montell Jordan, Bill Bellamy, Malcolm X, Skee-Lo, Heavy D.

ANDREW: In 1998, I made a bet with a friend that Heavy D and Sinbad were the same person. If Sinbad shows up at Heavy D’s funeral, I’m screwed.

J.MIZ: Today is Sinbad’s birthday. Irony? Or IS IT?! HES BACK, YO! And, as for determining the winner of said bet, I’m gonna go with marijuana winning that one.

ANDREW: It’d be cool if half of Heavy D could reincarnate into half of Sinbad. Imagine all those marginally funny jokes contained in all those marginally appealing rap songs.

J.MIZ: Or if they were both in the same body and had a predeliction for punching the opposing side. I’d pay top fucking dollar to see that slugfest.

ANDREW: I picture C+C Music Factory‘s Freedom Williams showing up to referee that event.

J.MIZ: Yeah! Or the fat dude from X Clan. And I’m pretty sure E-40 is the guy from P.M. Dawn.

ANDREW: I’m pretty sure Ray J is the other guy from P.M. Dawn. Which means Kim Kardashian fucked at least half of P.M. Dawn.

J.MIZ: Isnt Kardashian that Susanna chick from The Bangles with butt implants?

ANDREW: That really butch Bangle is Uncle Kracker.

J.MIZ: But didn’t Uncle Kracker turn into Bubba Sparxxx just before becoming Paul Wall? I’m pretty sure…

ANDREW: She was definitely the busiest Bangle.

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March 14, 2011

3DSC, Day 1: Song that makes you feel the most gangster

by WE’RE NOT FUNNY
edited by ANDREW HICKS

EDITOR’S NOTE: If you’re like us, your Facebook feed has been flooded with people participating in the 30 Day Song Challenge. And if you’re also like us, you love music but don’t want to answer questions like, “What song do you listen to you when you’re sad?” and, “If your poodle was a Gloria Estefan song, which one would it be?” So we’re doing our own 30-day music challenge, with our own questions, and we invite you to contribute your own picks to our comments section below.

THE WNF 30-DAY SONG CHALLENGE
DAY 1: SONG THAT MAKES YOU FEEL THE MOST GANGSTER

J.MIZ
“Whats My Name” by DMX gets me hype. I used to bump the shit out of Gangsta Boo‘s “What U N*%#$z Want From a Bitch” in my Acura while driving to my job at a high-end private government hotel in my wool suit. THUG LYFE!

Before he was famous, Warren G used to get paid $4.80 an hour to make sure that streetlight didn't fall over.

INSCRUTABLE JEFFREY TROTTER
For me, it’s absolutely “Regulate” by Warren G and Nate Dogg. First, it starts off with a speech taken from Young Guns, a movie for which I have unabashed love. Second, this song came out while I was in high school. Two of my fellow Burger King coworkers at the time were gangster types. Now, you need to keep in mind that this came from the perspective of a Whitey McWhite guy who had just moved from Minnesota, where we the only black people I saw were on TV. So, in my mind, any black guy older than me who liked rap music and didn’t finish high school may as well have been an extra in Boyz in the Hood. Working the night shift, we’d throw Warren G in the CD player (resisting temptation to say “boombox”), and by the end of the summer, I had every cut on that album down cold. Definitely the thuggest time of my life.

DRIFT ROBERTS
I used to wrestle, and my introductory music — Simon and Garfunkel‘s “The 59th Street Bridge Song (Feelin’ Groovy)” — got me all hyphy and shit. Barbra Streisand‘s “People” does it for me too.

ANDREW HICKS
For me, it’s 2Pac and Digital Underground, “I Get Around.” The second that beat drops, I become Al Capone in M.C. Hammer pants. I hope to live long enough to see this song exist on karaoke so I can tommygun my way through all three rappers’ verses.

J.MIZ
“Hail Mary” on 2Pac‘s alter ego CD causes me immediate vaginal sealing and penile growth. But I have to follow up with “Fuck the World” to complete the transformation with a set of full-functioning testicles.

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