Posts tagged ‘Irony’

September 11, 2011

Klan Kalls it Kwits?

by CHRISTOPHER WOO

K3 recruitment drive starts at the top!

LITTLE ROCK, ARK. – Today, the Klu Klux Klan announced that it will be going through a bit of an identity change. Spokesman John “Chilli” Mac issues this statement, “After some bit’a consideration, we come to think the youths of today don’t find us hip enough to join up with.”

Membership is down over 85 percent since 1995. Mac blames this on the rapid growth and popularity of the Internet.

“Seems with all the message boards and social media to express your views on, the kids today are much more independent racists. Hell, my own 10-year-old boy would rather shout racial slurs into his Xbox microphone than come to a meet-up,” Mac stated.

With these things in mind, the decision came to re-brand the Klan. It seemed a natural fit to give it a new name, in the style of a web 2.0 business.

“From here on out we’re to be known as ‘K3: The Klan.’ The kids love it, ‘cuz you can make a K and a 3 with your hands. My kids run around hollerin’ “K3 Represent” and tossin’ the K3 sign up all the time.” It seems the irony of the hip-hop ‘gangsta’ culture seeping into Klan life has gone over the head of Mr. Mac.

Along with the name change, K3 has realized its sense of fashion is seriously outdated. Mac says, “We discovered that wearing our bedsheets out, especially after Labor Day, is just not hip at all.”

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January 26, 2011

Pirate Hooker Hysterics

by NATALIE “PIRATE HOOKER” STEINACKER

  • Ever feel like giving someone a love pat? Right on the head, with a 2×4?
  • Nursing Home residents like to blare classical and Johnny Cash, my generation will be blaring Disturbed and Eminem… just saying.
  • You know those signs you see that say “Drive Carefully. We love our children”? Well, DUH!!! You’re not gonna see a sign that says, “Gun it, we’ll make more!”
  • I betcha that in 1910 they thought that a hundred years later, there would be flying cars and robots. But NO, all we have is funny-shaped rubber bands and backwards robes.
  • As the tornado warnings scrolled across the bottom of my TV screen, I noticed the scroll was sponsored by “John Beal, 1-800-NEW-ROOF.” Ironic…
  • While it’s raining today I thought it would be fun to run outside and scream, “It burns!! It burns!!”
  • The kids are currently in the kitchen, training to be Jedis. They said Darth Vader is coming for Christmas, and they need to be ready. I sure hope Santa’s not bringing Darth. What will he do if he doesn’t like the ham I am making? Mind-choke me?
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