Posts tagged ‘Hooker’

September 22, 2011

What Does That Euphemism Really Mean? #3

by CHRISTOPHER WOO

Conjugal Visit: A tutoring session for grammar, specifically verbs.

Oooooh yeah! Look at them freaky nasty verbs gettin it on!

Supreme Sacrifice: When you have to give up pizza night to use the money for your kid’s school project.

Shoot Blanks: Tae Bo never worked for me anyway.

Taking A Dirt Nap: What that third union worker is doing over there under the shady tree.

Turn A Trick: I paid $35 for this hooker, I’m damn sure hittin’ it from the front and the back.

Well Hung: Descriptive of level paintings and other artwork.

Sniffing The Maple: At least that’s what your mom calls it.

Hand Over The Coals: No, seriously, hand ’em over. Fucking coal thief.

Hiring A Russian: It’s the in thing right now, they’re so economical.

Cloning The Mammoth: *Insert yo’ momma joke*

The Departed: Great god damned movie!

Talk To A Man About A “Horse”: What Kevin Smith had to do before filming Clerks 2.

Sleep Around: What bums do.

January 22, 2011

Hooker Or Slut? You Decide!

by Allison Stein

[Editors Note: Please join us here at WNF as we welcome our latest addition to the writing staff. She loves Unicorns and Black Cock, though we’re never quite sure which she is actually referring to. – Woo]

So, I am here blogging, well sort of. This is my first blog, and it stems from a friend of mine thinking I am funny. So now I feel on the spot to be funny. Its kind of like knowing someone can do something and you walk up to them and demand that they do it. Like, walking up to a pirate and demand they say “ARR Matey”, then laugh hysterically and walk away.

So, I may be funny, I may not. Time will tell. The one thing I do know for certain is, that I have often been called a Pirate Hooker, so without further adieu, here’s an “ARR Matey!!” for ya, but because I am a pirate HOOKER, I needs me cash now for performing for you. Just sayin, Hookers get paid, sluts do it for free, and I don’t want to be considered a “slut”. You know… ’cause that would be bad umkay.

December 23, 2010

My Sexcation

by Pseudonymous

I really wanted to sleep with a midget, just once in my lifetime.

It all started out innocently enough. I learned that prostitution was legal in Nevada, so long as it was outside the Las Vegas city limits. This got me thinking about one of my life goals, to have relations with a little person. As Nevada is not exactly within acceptable driving distance just to get a little ass I decided I would have to make a vacation out of it. My wife had been pushing me to book us a vacation anyhow. Yes, my wife. As any good woman should, she supports me in my life goals. She wants me to self-actualize, and if that means playing spin the midget on the cock then so-be-it.

So I placed a call to a favorably reviewed brothel, The Sex Buffet Loveranch. I advised them I had very specific fantastical needs, and inquired if they had any midget prostitutes. I was quickly corrected by the person on the other end, “We call them Dwarfitutes, sir!” Well, alright, call them whatever you want just tell me that you have one available for my demented fantasies. I was given information about their two Dwarfitutes, including web profiles with photos, specialties, etc. I quickly made my decision which one I preferred, and booked a few hours with her. The decision was an easy one, as I wanted to fuck a scaled-down chick, not one whose head was larger than my own, but on a 4 foot frame.

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