Posts tagged ‘Growing Pains’

January 9, 2012

Facebook Statuses From ’80s TV Characters

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Whatever you think is happening, it's all a misunderstanding. -Jack Tripper, Three's Company

You’re goddamn right I did that!
Steve Urkel, Family Matters

I have black friends.
-Ricky Stratton, Silver Spoons

Fucking Charo! AGAIN!!
-Captain Stubing, The Love Boat

I wish I had boobs ):
-Punky Brewster

Yes, let’s have two grown single men and a Canadian with a puppet explain menstruating to me and my sisters. If you will excuse me, I am going to ask the bag lady down the street what to do with these tampons. FML!
-D.J. Tanner, Full House

I (heart) sheep. Like REALLY (heart) sheep.
-Balki, Perfect Strangers

Keep making fun of my accent. Hope you enjoy pubic-hair soup, dicks!
-Mr. Belvedere

Soon, the revolution will begin…
-Benson

We’re all out of grits, bitch!
-Alice

I banged Winnie!
-Kevin Arnold, The Wonder Years

I watched Kevin bang Winnie!
-Paul Pfeiffer, The Wonder Years

I’m having an awesome bang day!
-Blair, The Facts of Life

Sam Malone is in a relationship with Diane Chambers and “it’s complicated.”

I. AM. A. ROBOT. NOT. AUTISTIC. YOU. FUCKING. ASSHOLES.
-Vickie, Small Wonder

I LOVE PUSSY! HA!
-Alf

I LOVE COCAINE!
-Willis, Diff’rent Strokes

I LOVE COCAINE!
-Cliff Huxtable, The Cosby Show

I LOVE COCAINE!
-Animal, The Muppet Show

I LOVE COCAINE!
-Mork, Mork and Mindy

I’m calling immigration.
-Mindy, Mork and Mindy

Norm Peterson checked in at TGIFridays. just now

Mmm hmm, honey. Mmm hmm.
-Any castmember from 227

Why doesn’t anyone else notice my two older sisters are half-white? When will the lies stop? FML!
-Theo Huxtable, The Cosby Show

If they only knew why I wore rainbow suspenders…
-Rerun, What’s Happening!

If they only knew why I wore rainbow suspenders…
-Mork, Mork and Mindy

Is anyone else creeped out that my old-ass parents had a new kid?! Me and Alex could be his parents!
-Mallory Keaton, Family Ties

Legalize it!
-Alex P. Keaton, Family Ties

I hate it when a plan goes spectacularly tits-up. Posted from Cook County Penitentiary
-John “Hannibal” Smith, The A-Team

Joanie Cunningham changed her relationship status from “married” to “divorced.”

Chachi Arcola changed his relationship status from “married” to “widowed.”

Bitches be trippin’!
-Blake Carrington, Dynasty

They don’t call me Boner for nothing!
-Boner, Growing Pains

Homey DOES play that Farmville.
-Homey the Clown, In Living Color

We’ve gotta get a second bathroom.
-Nicole, My Two Dads

My favorite people: Samantuh, Monuh, Eangeluh.
-Tony, Who’s the Boss

Yes, cracka, my middle name is Wayne too.
-Dwayne Wayne, A Different World

Banged Joan. Banged Natasha. Banged Chrissy. Banged Margie. Banged Cynthia. All before breakfast.
-Dan Fielding, Night Court

Banged Chrissy. Banged Cynthia. Banged Natasha. Banged Joan. Banged Margie. All before lunch.
-Sam Malone, Cheers

I pity too many fools. When is it my turn to be pitied? How many chains do I have to put on before my pain is noticed?
-Mr. T, The A-Team

CONCEIVED BY: J.Miz
EDITED BY: Andrew Hicks
ADDITIONAL CONTRIBUTORS: Benjamin Bennington, Eric Dohman, Tony Fyler

May 25, 2011

Song Challenge 15: Most Shameless Song About Jailbait

edited by ANDREW HICKS
creatively conceived by J.MIZ

WNF SONG CHALLENGE
DAY 15: MOST SHAMELESS SONG ABOUT JAILBAIT

Barney's "friends."

JAMES DRAPER
“I Love You, You Love Me,” by Barney the Dinosaur.

INSCRUTABLE JEFFREY TROTTER
That dirty bastard Gary Puckett and his perv-o buddies the Union Gap confessed and harmonized their obsession with Young Girl. (“Young girl, get out of my mind / My love for you is way outta line / You’d better run, girl! / You’re much too young, girl!”) Seriously, that entire song is about a guy who’s popping a chubby over the neighborhood girl scout.

ANDREW HICKS
I get creeped-out chills when I hear Ringo congratulate that girl in the song on turning 16. I figure he’s had his eye on her for awhile.

J.MIZ
“Meet My Ex-Boyfriend,” by J.Miz.

INSCRUTABLE JEFFREY TROTTER
Since he’s been found with child porn on his computer, deported from Cambodia for suspected statutory rape and convicted in Vietnam of statutory rape, it’s hard not to read meaning into some of Gary Glitter‘s supposedly innocuous lyrics. I think a good rule of thumb would be to assume any songwriter named Gary is a pedophile.

ANDREW HICKS
Googled G. Glitter. When he was convicted for his kid porn, the judge noted that his stash was “carefully, deliberately and enthusiastically done.” No joke necessary. This guy was clearly a connoisseur.

INSCRUTABLE JEFFREY TROTTER
I am now going over the lyrics of Rascal Flatts songs to find evidence of the secret yearnings of high-voiced lead singer Gary LeVox.

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