Posts tagged ‘Glenn Beck’

June 21, 2011

Broken News, June 20, 2011

by WE’RE NOT FUNNY
edited by WOO

Cows churn out “human breast milk”

The Chinese playing god with my breast milk? I don’t think so. Just another way for that damn Nazi Obama, the socialist bastard,  to piss on Lady Liberty’s udders, and I will not stand for it! America used to mean something! This and more tonight with me, Glenn Beck.

What will they call it, “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Breast Milk”?

Bono’s “Spider-Man” musical still weak, critics say

Perhaps Bono should go back to making world peace, rather than giving the world pieces of crap?

On the positive side of reviews, Former President Bill Clinton is quoted as saying, “It was so good I needed a cigar and a fat girl afterwards. Not necessarily in that order.”

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April 24, 2011

The Truth

by J.MIZ
edited by ANDREW HICKS

  • Sharpton, perpetually frustrated by his lack of handjob-giving.

    Contrary to popular thought, scrambled eggs isn’t a sammich.

  • Barbara Bush did not “invent” oatmeal.
  • Al Sharpton never gave Al Gore a hand job, and Dick Gregory didn’t film it.
  • There IS an “I” in “team.”
  • Glenn Beck only wears biodegradable American-made cotton. That was picked by Eli Whitney himself.
  • There was no World War II, and if there was, the Jews started it.
  • Mexican people invented Taco Bell as an ongoing joke on white people.
  • Gay people really just want to be black.
  • Charlie Sheen is the new David Koresh.
  • Children love rape. And porn.
  • A government cannot shut down unless it is the Christian Sabbath.
  • Earth girls are not easy.
  • Did Elizabeth Taylor die? Whose pants am I wearing?
  • Serial killers make the best clowns. And stew.
  • Jesus was not a relocated-to-Florida Mexican.
  • Ellen DeGeneres is fucking the hottest bitch alive, as we speak.
  • NASCAR is OCD.
  • E.T. was a retard, otherwise he would have invented a phone.
  • There is no such thing as a Jedi.
  • Larry King is fucking Hugh Hefner, as we speak.
  • White people love disco.
  • My mom is my dad, and my dad is my sister.
  • Black men cannot jump, but they love honeydew.
  • The last time I ate cake, it came from a urinal.
  • George W. Bush was not a crook!
  • While in office, President Obama needs to get sucked off by a chubby white girl.
  • There is no Luke, and if there was, James Earl Jones wouldn’t be his father.
December 6, 2010

What’s In A Name?

by We’re Not Funny as written by Woo

Before we here at We’re Not Funny, were called as such, we really did not know what to call ourselves. We had our vision (to be the hot friend your mom had inappropriate thoughts about), and our plan of action for the ‘Zine. We were just stuck on choosing a name. We all did some brainstorming on my Facebook wall, and while none of those ideas ever worked out, there were some worth noting.

Several sprang out right away:

  • Feed Glenn Beck To Alligators
  • Inarticulate Articles
  • Space Balls, The Magazine
  • And A Midget

None of these seemed to have the feel we were looking for. Even Andrews following idea and explanation, while guffaw-inducing, did not work out for us. “They once asked me to help name a porn film that had stoned foot fetishists in a pancake restaurant. I told ’em to call it High F*ck-Toes Porn Syrup.”

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