Posts tagged ‘Diff’rent Strokes’

January 9, 2012

Facebook Statuses From ’80s TV Characters

LIKE WNF ON FACEBOOK AND GET DAILY ONE-LINERS IN YOUR NEWSFEED

Whatever you think is happening, it's all a misunderstanding. -Jack Tripper, Three's Company

You’re goddamn right I did that!
Steve Urkel, Family Matters

I have black friends.
-Ricky Stratton, Silver Spoons

Fucking Charo! AGAIN!!
-Captain Stubing, The Love Boat

I wish I had boobs ):
-Punky Brewster

Yes, let’s have two grown single men and a Canadian with a puppet explain menstruating to me and my sisters. If you will excuse me, I am going to ask the bag lady down the street what to do with these tampons. FML!
-D.J. Tanner, Full House

I (heart) sheep. Like REALLY (heart) sheep.
-Balki, Perfect Strangers

Keep making fun of my accent. Hope you enjoy pubic-hair soup, dicks!
-Mr. Belvedere

Soon, the revolution will begin…
-Benson

We’re all out of grits, bitch!
-Alice

I banged Winnie!
-Kevin Arnold, The Wonder Years

I watched Kevin bang Winnie!
-Paul Pfeiffer, The Wonder Years

I’m having an awesome bang day!
-Blair, The Facts of Life

Sam Malone is in a relationship with Diane Chambers and “it’s complicated.”

I. AM. A. ROBOT. NOT. AUTISTIC. YOU. FUCKING. ASSHOLES.
-Vickie, Small Wonder

I LOVE PUSSY! HA!
-Alf

I LOVE COCAINE!
-Willis, Diff’rent Strokes

I LOVE COCAINE!
-Cliff Huxtable, The Cosby Show

I LOVE COCAINE!
-Animal, The Muppet Show

I LOVE COCAINE!
-Mork, Mork and Mindy

I’m calling immigration.
-Mindy, Mork and Mindy

Norm Peterson checked in at TGIFridays. just now

Mmm hmm, honey. Mmm hmm.
-Any castmember from 227

Why doesn’t anyone else notice my two older sisters are half-white? When will the lies stop? FML!
-Theo Huxtable, The Cosby Show

If they only knew why I wore rainbow suspenders…
-Rerun, What’s Happening!

If they only knew why I wore rainbow suspenders…
-Mork, Mork and Mindy

Is anyone else creeped out that my old-ass parents had a new kid?! Me and Alex could be his parents!
-Mallory Keaton, Family Ties

Legalize it!
-Alex P. Keaton, Family Ties

I hate it when a plan goes spectacularly tits-up. Posted from Cook County Penitentiary
-John “Hannibal” Smith, The A-Team

Joanie Cunningham changed her relationship status from “married” to “divorced.”

Chachi Arcola changed his relationship status from “married” to “widowed.”

Bitches be trippin’!
-Blake Carrington, Dynasty

They don’t call me Boner for nothing!
-Boner, Growing Pains

Homey DOES play that Farmville.
-Homey the Clown, In Living Color

We’ve gotta get a second bathroom.
-Nicole, My Two Dads

My favorite people: Samantuh, Monuh, Eangeluh.
-Tony, Who’s the Boss

Yes, cracka, my middle name is Wayne too.
-Dwayne Wayne, A Different World

Banged Joan. Banged Natasha. Banged Chrissy. Banged Margie. Banged Cynthia. All before breakfast.
-Dan Fielding, Night Court

Banged Chrissy. Banged Cynthia. Banged Natasha. Banged Joan. Banged Margie. All before lunch.
-Sam Malone, Cheers

I pity too many fools. When is it my turn to be pitied? How many chains do I have to put on before my pain is noticed?
-Mr. T, The A-Team

CONCEIVED BY: J.Miz
EDITED BY: Andrew Hicks
ADDITIONAL CONTRIBUTORS: Benjamin Bennington, Eric Dohman, Tony Fyler

January 6, 2011

TV Guide, 1984-Style

by ANDREW HICKS

One of my New Year’s resolutions for 2011 was to read more. To wit, I unearthed an issue of TV Guide from 1984 that had unjustly sat in a packed-up cardboard box in the basement for the past decade or so. Don’t get me wrong, I bought that thing on purpose when I was 15 or so. I grew up an obsessive, nostalgia-driven TV and music freak, and I found stuff like old issues of TV Guide to be fascinating pop-culture artifacts. I just thought I grew out of it a long time ago.

Truth be told, I just spent an hour looking through that old TV Guide, and I’m here to report on my findings. On the cover, the Winter Olympics. Nothing too fancy. Cover price: 50 cents. But open it up, and there are highlights everywhere:

    Page A-7 — A two-paged Let’s Review the Facts ad from R.J. Reynolds tobacco that says, “Studies which conclude that smoking causes disease have regularly ignored scientific evidence to the contrary.” There are probably a dozen cigarette ads scattered through the rest of the magazine, all featuring beautiful, white-teethed, active people whose lives are enhanced by nicotine and tar. Just typing all this makes me want to go smoke.

 

    Page A-24 — Listings for NBC’s powerhouse Saturday sitcom lineup of “Diff’rent Strokes,” “Silver Spoons,” “We Got it Made” and “Mama’s Family.” Three of the four were in regular syndication when I was a kid, but I only ever saw one TBS rerun of “We Got it Made” in a hotel room during a vacation one time when I was like 13. It’s about maids in a hotel so, you know, the title is kinda like a play on words.