Posts tagged ‘Cat anorexia’

May 24, 2011

This Week in J.Miz, Volume 4

by J.MIZ
edited by ANDREW HICKS


MONDAY

Dwight really needs to switch back to whole milk.

I have a headache THIS BIG. And it has “abstinence” written all over it.

I’m the girl you bring home to Mama. To piss her the fuck off.

The only thing that offends my cat Dwight more than the odor of peppermint is the music catalog of David Bowie.

Tonight I am going to bed alone in every sense of the word. Dwight even shuns me now that he’s lost some weight. #fuckskinnybitches

It’s painfully obvious that most computer software is written by men. Both are always telling you to “finish.”


SUNDAY

My tits have an inappropriate habit of staring men in the eyes.

I’ve spent half my life babysitting, and that doesn’t even count my dating career.

My boyfriend thinks a woman’s place is in the kitchen. Makes perfect sense to me. That’s where I keep the poison.

I only date married men. They understand commitment.

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