Posts tagged ‘Bill Clinton’

September 8, 2011

What Does That Euphemism Really Mean?

by CHRISTOPHER WOO

A House Of Ill Repute. When visiting be sure to wear your blue dress, and bring cigars.

Adult Entertainment: The enjoyment parents get at watching their children suffer through life just like they did.

Asleep With Jesus: Literal; You should really keep track of your wife. And the Gardner.

Au Natural: What you get when you forget to put the cheese packet on your Stouffer’s Au Gratin Potatoes.

Bit The Big One: He won’t even return her phone calls.

Bought The Farm: Addicted to Facebook games.

Carnal Knowledge: Intimacy with a carnival worker.

Crossed Over To The Other Side: Fucking swing voters!

Disinformation: What you are reading right now.

Ethnic Cleansing: Equal-opportunity public showers.

Friendly Fire: The kind you camp near, or have a beer around.

Give Up The Ghost: A conversion to atheism.

Hide The Sausage: Literal; Usually it’s still in the refrigerator, just tucked in with the vegetables in the crisper.

House Of Ill Repute: The White House, post-Clinton.

August 2, 2011

Famous Literary Quotes

by ANDREW HICKS, WOO, ERIC DOHMAN and TONY FYLER
edited by ANDREW HICKS

“The horse owned the feed silo that the chicken ate from, the chicken would wash the car of the sheep. At one point, the donkey decided to vote Republican.”
-George Orwell, Animal Farm

“I wouldn’t call it a sex toy per se, but it does have all needed parts, my dear.”
-Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

“That’s what I have: Up Syndrome!”
-Chris Burke, My Name Is Not Corky

“YORK Jeff 2591 Hicks Pike 48791…………….414 234-03​36.”
The Real White Pages, Madison, Wis.

‎”I gave Bernie Leibowitz a toy airplane for his tenth birthday, and he never wrote me a thank you note. Who doesn’t write a thank you note? A Jew, that’s who!”
-Adolph Hitler, Mein Kampf

“At Christmas party, drink one bottle of gin and gently place breasts on copy surface. Press 100 then start.”
-Xerox 914 Operating Manual

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June 21, 2011

Broken News, June 20, 2011

by WE’RE NOT FUNNY
edited by WOO

Cows churn out “human breast milk”

The Chinese playing god with my breast milk? I don’t think so. Just another way for that damn Nazi Obama, the socialist bastard,  to piss on Lady Liberty’s udders, and I will not stand for it! America used to mean something! This and more tonight with me, Glenn Beck.

What will they call it, “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Breast Milk”?

Bono’s “Spider-Man” musical still weak, critics say

Perhaps Bono should go back to making world peace, rather than giving the world pieces of crap?

On the positive side of reviews, Former President Bill Clinton is quoted as saying, “It was so good I needed a cigar and a fat girl afterwards. Not necessarily in that order.”

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