Posts tagged ‘Bell Biv Devoe’

November 28, 2011

This Week in J.Miz, Volume 16

by J.MIZ
edited by ANDREW HICKS

L to R: Chippy, Chippy, Chippy

  • Until they tell me otherwise, I will assume that all squirrels are named Chippy.
  • I recently started putting baking soda in my cat’s litterbox. But honestly I’m disappointed in the efficacy. He has not made ANY crack.
  • If I had a dollar for every time I drunkenly drove to some guy’s for a booty call, I’d be able to pay for all these DUIs.
  • If I had a dollar for every time I said, “If I had a dollar…” I’d say nothing but THAT.
  • I heard some guy call himself a “recovering alcoholic.” I thought that was a pretty fancy name for what I always called “Sunday.”
  • When I get a new haircut, I need to fuck something. That’s just the way it is.
  • As I walk to work on this windy Chicago day, I have newfound respect for the salmon.
  • Whenever my black friends quote anything, I always incorrectly assume it’s from “The Color Purple,” the Bible or T.I.
    read more »

November 10, 2011

Andrew vs. J.Miz: Heavy D Is Sinbad

by ANDREW HICKS and J.MIZ

From L to R: KRS-One, Scotty Pippin, Guy, Ralph Tresvant, "Sinbad," Montell Jordan, Bill Bellamy, Malcolm X, Skee-Lo, Heavy D.

ANDREW: In 1998, I made a bet with a friend that Heavy D and Sinbad were the same person. If Sinbad shows up at Heavy D’s funeral, I’m screwed.

J.MIZ: Today is Sinbad’s birthday. Irony? Or IS IT?! HES BACK, YO! And, as for determining the winner of said bet, I’m gonna go with marijuana winning that one.

ANDREW: It’d be cool if half of Heavy D could reincarnate into half of Sinbad. Imagine all those marginally funny jokes contained in all those marginally appealing rap songs.

J.MIZ: Or if they were both in the same body and had a predeliction for punching the opposing side. I’d pay top fucking dollar to see that slugfest.

ANDREW: I picture C+C Music Factory‘s Freedom Williams showing up to referee that event.

J.MIZ: Yeah! Or the fat dude from X Clan. And I’m pretty sure E-40 is the guy from P.M. Dawn.

ANDREW: I’m pretty sure Ray J is the other guy from P.M. Dawn. Which means Kim Kardashian fucked at least half of P.M. Dawn.

J.MIZ: Isnt Kardashian that Susanna chick from The Bangles with butt implants?

ANDREW: That really butch Bangle is Uncle Kracker.

J.MIZ: But didn’t Uncle Kracker turn into Bubba Sparxxx just before becoming Paul Wall? I’m pretty sure…

ANDREW: She was definitely the busiest Bangle.

read more »