Posts tagged ‘Barack Obama’

December 21, 2011

Shout-Outs

by BRANDON STOKES
edited by ANDREW J HICKS

Brandon Stokes

  • Shout-outs to George Jefferson’s wife AND Lil’ Wayne, for having the same voice but being two completely different Weezys.
  • Shout-out to that Lil’ Wayne CD you keep stashed, just in case you have to give your black friend a ride home.
  • Shout-out to guys who tell chicks they’ll eat their butts in text messages.
  • Shout-out to Southpole and FUBU for keeping wiggas PIMPED OUT LIKE A HOMIE G DAWG!
  • Shout-out to every time you want to say, “That shit’s racist!” but you’re not quite sure.
  • Shout-out to black people who aren’t afraid of eating fried chicken in front of white people.
  • Shout-out to everyone that couldn’t find the pussy from doggystyle when they lost their virginity… or was that just me?
  • Shout-out to Flavor Flav for getting famous with Public Enemy instead of just being that one stupid nigga from the news.
  • Shout-out to YouTube for letting the closet racists vent.
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April 24, 2011

The Truth

by J.MIZ
edited by ANDREW HICKS

  • Sharpton, perpetually frustrated by his lack of handjob-giving.

    Contrary to popular thought, scrambled eggs isn’t a sammich.

  • Barbara Bush did not “invent” oatmeal.
  • Al Sharpton never gave Al Gore a hand job, and Dick Gregory didn’t film it.
  • There IS an “I” in “team.”
  • Glenn Beck only wears biodegradable American-made cotton. That was picked by Eli Whitney himself.
  • There was no World War II, and if there was, the Jews started it.
  • Mexican people invented Taco Bell as an ongoing joke on white people.
  • Gay people really just want to be black.
  • Charlie Sheen is the new David Koresh.
  • Children love rape. And porn.
  • A government cannot shut down unless it is the Christian Sabbath.
  • Earth girls are not easy.
  • Did Elizabeth Taylor die? Whose pants am I wearing?
  • Serial killers make the best clowns. And stew.
  • Jesus was not a relocated-to-Florida Mexican.
  • Ellen DeGeneres is fucking the hottest bitch alive, as we speak.
  • NASCAR is OCD.
  • E.T. was a retard, otherwise he would have invented a phone.
  • There is no such thing as a Jedi.
  • Larry King is fucking Hugh Hefner, as we speak.
  • White people love disco.
  • My mom is my dad, and my dad is my sister.
  • Black men cannot jump, but they love honeydew.
  • The last time I ate cake, it came from a urinal.
  • George W. Bush was not a crook!
  • While in office, President Obama needs to get sucked off by a chubby white girl.
  • There is no Luke, and if there was, James Earl Jones wouldn’t be his father.
December 17, 2010

Buddah’s Holiday Tips

by BUDDAH ESKEW

#8--Just add milk and 5 more maids.

1. Yuletide does not fight to get out stains as well as regular Tide.

2. You will never win a game of Strip Dreidel with a Jewish chick.

3. Never punch an elf before all the toys are made.

4. This year’s fruitcake will be made from the remains of Bea Arthur.

5. Now we don our gay apparel, which is fine IF YOU’RE GAY!

6. I said “Mall Santa,” not “Maul Santa!” Bad doggy!

7. If there are really sugar plums dancing in your head, you may want to schedule an appointment with your therapist.

#10--Reindeer sausage, reindeer brats, braised reindeer, reindeer on a stick, reindeer kabobs...

8. Eight maids a’milking sounds dirty, but I can live with it.

9. Damned! Wal-Mart is out of frankincense and myrrh again!

10. Reindeer sausage is NOT the other white meat.

11. This holiday season, please give to Charity. She is my favorite dancer at the strip club.

12. Yes, Hallmark Channel, I would love to see another sappy Christmas movie starring Mary Steenburgen.

13. Eggnog without a little rum is kinda like Hitler without a little mustache.

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