Klan Kalls it Kwits?

by CHRISTOPHER WOO

K3 recruitment drive starts at the top!

LITTLE ROCK, ARK. – Today, the Klu Klux Klan announced that it will be going through a bit of an identity change. Spokesman John “Chilli” Mac issues this statement, “After some bit’a consideration, we come to think the youths of today don’t find us hip enough to join up with.”

Membership is down over 85 percent since 1995. Mac blames this on the rapid growth and popularity of the Internet.

“Seems with all the message boards and social media to express your views on, the kids today are much more independent racists. Hell, my own 10-year-old boy would rather shout racial slurs into his Xbox microphone than come to a meet-up,” Mac stated.

With these things in mind, the decision came to re-brand the Klan. It seemed a natural fit to give it a new name, in the style of a web 2.0 business.

“From here on out we’re to be known as ‘K3: The Klan.’ The kids love it, ‘cuz you can make a K and a 3 with your hands. My kids run around hollerin’ “K3 Represent” and tossin’ the K3 sign up all the time.” It seems the irony of the hip-hop ‘gangsta’ culture seeping into Klan life has gone over the head of Mr. Mac.

Along with the name change, K3 has realized its sense of fashion is seriously outdated. Mac says, “We discovered that wearing our bedsheets out, especially after Labor Day, is just not hip at all.”

It seems a popular clothing maker has signed a deal with K3, but their clothes come un-branded as to protect their identity. 5X sized t-shirts with “K3 Represent” on them in graffiti lettering, blue jeans in super-relaxed fit that sag on the wearer. Tennis shoes with laces you don’t actually tie. And baseball caps with the K3 logo mistakenly printed on the side, causing them to be worn sideways.

It seems the irony of all of this goes completely unnoticed by Mr. Mac. Soon, you might find the Klan only using politically correct terminology and setting humanist symbols aflame in front yards. Optimally, the Klan would just die off, but this seems to be the next best thing to that. Last we heard, they were discussing the acceptance of mulattoes into their ranks.

ADDENDUM: John “Chilli” Mac contacted us just before the running of this article to let us know of a nickname change. He should now be addressed as John Mac “Daddy.”

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