Catching Up With the Caught

NBC has made a newsmagazine staple out of its show To Catch a Predator. If you’ve never seen it, the TCAP camera crew catches creepy gentlemen of all shapes and sizes who enter police sting setups thinking they’re inches away from a sex meeting with a piece of chat room jailbait. Then Chris Hansen — now a C-list household name — shows up to conduct a smarmy, awkward interview before the alleged perv is carted off to jail.

You might be curious about what has happened to some of the most memorable bad guys from TCAP in the years since their pedo-busts aired on TV in between commercials for Tide and Burger King. Here are 7 follow-up stories, as We’re Not Funny presents…

CATCHING UP WITH THE CAUGHT

1. In 2006, David Kaye was enjoying a prosperous run as the only practicing rabbi in California to perform female circumcisions at bat mitzvahs. Then it all came crashing down as Kaye showed up to a TCAP sting house bare-chested and bearing iced oatmeal cookies and Four Loko. He’s since served three years in prison and, upon being paroled, entered into an intense right-wing Christian counseling program that not only “cured” him of his self-proclaimed “shorty fetish” but also his “case of the gayzies.”

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2. John Rumsfeld of Ocean City was busted by Hansen just four days before he was scheduled to serve a sentence for another sex-solicitation charge. “I’d just seen that movie Double Jeopardy, and I figured I couldn’t be charged twice for committing the same crime. I didn’t realize they meant the exact same crime on the same victim. Oh well, what’s another few years in jail? Anyway, have you seen Ashley Judd’s kid in Double Jeopardy? Hotttttt!” In 2011, Rumsfeld is a sweater-wearing trolley operator, and he volunteers at the Olsen Twin Wax Museum on Senior Day.

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3. One TCAP sting, during its 3-day run, attracted almost 50 sex offenders, some of whom showed up at the same time. Dino Sanders was one of the photographed men who showed up. “So I’m supposed to meet up with this girl, right?” says Sanders today. “I get some Reese’s Pieces and a cheap MP4 player as a gift. I take a shower, buy some new clothes from Burlington Coat Factory and borrow my mom’s car. Then I show up to the house, and there’s like 15 other dudes lurking outside. I figure, ‘Forget this ho bag! I’m gonna go home, eat these Reese’s myself and watch old Degrassi episodes.’ Then I find out all those dudes got arrested by Chris Hansen. It was pure serendipity!” These days, Sanders is a waiter at Chili’s in Malibu. He says kids eat free in his section every night of the week.

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4. If you think you might’ve seen a familiar face at the 2007 TCAP Pasadena bust, you’re probably right. After entering the sting house and realizing Chris Hansen was in fact NOT one of the Hanson brothers, a distraught Pauly Shore dropped completely out of the limelight and all Yahoo! chat rooms. Scripts for Encino Man 2, Another Son-in-Law, Encino Man 3, In the Army Now Still, Encino Man 4, More Jury Duty, Encino Man 5: Assignment Miami Beach and Bio-Dome 3D remain unshot.

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5. Cecil “BFF” Graysen, the Army sniper who famously told Chris Hansen, “I never leave my house without my gun,” was released from prison in summer 2010. Graysen has since partnered with Iris Shamberg, one of TACP‘s few female offenders, to open a funnel cake and fish taco stand as part of a touring state fair carnival midway. Sales are sparse, as no children are allowed within 100 feet of the Mom & Uncle Iris’s Happy Place For Your Mouth stand.

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6. Alex Thompson, when confronted by TACP cameras, pulled his shirt over his head and declared, “Nothing funny’s going on here, dog.” (Rumor has it he was wearing a We’re Not Funny T-shirt at the time.) Where is he now? Death row. Apparently, after being released for serving his time, he realized he’d never achieve his deviant dreams, so he murdered an entire family in cold blood. “Yeah, feeling up a slutty tween doesn’t seem so bad now, does it?” says Thompson, from the other side of the glass.

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7. ‎”I just did a 3-year stint in state prison for that whole mess, but if I had it to do over again, I would,” says TCAP offender Doug McGuire. “See, I knew that was a hot, young, of-age girl police officer posing as a 14 year old. That’s what gets me off — a sexy, young, perfectly legal chick in a uniform, entrapping a dirty old man. It’s a powerful fetish. One I just have to give in to, obviously.” McGuire is currently a post-production video editor for Nickelodeon. On the weekends, he’s a sparkly British rock star.

written and edited by ANDREW HICKS
with contributors J.MIZ, ERIC DOHMAN and C.J. DODD
graphics by ERIC DOHMAN
creatively conceived by
C.J. DODD

One Comment to “Catching Up With the Caught”

  1. Pedophilia. Cuz it’s funny, that’s why.

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