“You Are Currently Held In A Black Hole”

by TONY FYLER
edited by T. Allan Christopher

Hello? Anyone there?

I knew we should never have hired THIS guy!

If I’ve learned one thing this week, it is this: Don’t mess with web developers, they’re more powerful and more stupid than they know…

It was a Wednesday morning. Katie, our conference organiser, bursts into the office, all frantic energy and hair, and says, “We’ve got a bloke who can’t use the conference booking system on our website!”

“OK,” I said, “what’s up?”

“He’s from Germany,” she said.

“What?”

“He’s from Germany…”

“Ohhhhkay…”

“Apparently, Germany’s not listed as a country on our system,” she explained.

“Oh.”

“And it won’t let him be from anywhere else, ’cause his address details and phone code don’t match any other country…”

“Well of course not, he’s in Germany.”

“But he can’t be in Germany if Germany doesn’t exist. You can’t be somewhere that’s nowhere, and of course, you can’t be anywhere else, ’cause you’re in the country formerly known – and indeed currently known to most of the world – as Germany.”

“Tricky, I admit.”

“So we need to rebuild the Rhineland.”

“What, just you and me? I’m kind of busy this morning…”

“Dumkopf! Get on to the developers, and get on to them now, tell them to reinstate bloody Germany, so our bloke can officially be there.”

“Yawohl Frauleinn…”

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