Famous Last Words

by ERIC DOHMAN, WOO and WNF STAFF WRITERS
edited by ANDREW HICKS

"Hurry! Call 911! Act now! Call 911" -Billy Mays

  • “Is that Bubbles?” “No.” “I meant in the syringe.” –Michael Jackson
  • ‎”What the fuck, Brutus?” –Julius Caesar
  • ‎”Maybe I shoulda just eaten that donut.” –Karen Carpenter
  • “Always left, left, left. Let’s see what happens if I go right for a change.” – Dale Earnhardt
  • ‎”Delete all my texts from that black chick.” –Thomas Jefferson
  • ‎”Fuck, I forgot the eyebrows.” –Leonardo DaVinci
  • ‎”I’m on a horse!” –Christopher Reeve
  • “Maybe I was TOO easy?” -Eazy E
  • “Birds. I dedicated my life to a bunch of fucking birds.” –J.J. Audubon
  • ‎”A Tyson fight? I am SO there! Just let me finish this 827 hours of recording time, that’ll in no way fuel rumors that I faked my death by continuing to release CDs posthumously. -Tupac Shakur
  • ‎”If the casket fit… oh… oh shit.” -Johnnie L. Cochran Jr.
  • “O.J., that knife is too big to cut up veggies.” –Nicole Brown Simpson
  • “That white light’s way too small for me to fit through.” –Andre the Giant
  • ‎”I’m still alive, FUCKER!” –Betty White
  • “I swear that I don’t have a gun.” –Kurt Cobain
  • ‎”‘I don’t need any assistance.” – Jack Kevorkian
  • ‎”I wonder if this play will have a plot twist.” –Honest Abe Lincoln
  • ‎”I’m sending this one 6-foot deep.” –Babe Ruth
  • ‎”Nose wiggle ain’t gonna cure this shit.” –Elizabeth Montgomery, “Bewitched”
  • “Svavivah bizfghlabr rughlisvag.” –Marlon Brando
  • ‎”I’m Ryan Dunn, and this is Fatal Car Crash.” –Ryan Dunn, “Jackass”
  • ‎”If I slept with Marilyn, may God strike me de–” –JFK
  • “Can’t one of us die with some brain left?” –Ted Kennedy
  • ‎‎”I know you’re a Scientologist, Dad, but if I don’t get to a doctor soon, I fear I will die!” –Jett Travolta
  • “I’m just going to get something from the attic.” –Anne Frank
  • ‎”Fine, I get it, but who are these two pieces of shit?” –Jesus

OTHER CONTRIBUTORS: Andrew Cline, Michelle Dee, Ertel Gray, Andrew Hicks, Other Andrew Hicks, Lola Tucker, Eve Ventrella and Richard Wentz

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