Woo’s News, June 13, 2011

by WOO

US Scores Three More Insider-Trading Convictions

There are criminals on Wall Street. Who fucking knew?

Vancouver’s Lapierre finds success to the max after leaving Ducks

Wait… this is about hockey? Can’t seem to give a shit…

Facebook IPO seen moving ahead in first quarter

So a nerd found out how to make money off of people posting status updates every time the weather changes by two degrees, they eat dinner, suffer gastrointestinal issues, or find a Youtube video mildly enjoyable. Just think, everytime you tell us about your second cousin’s graduation, or post a photo of a kitten talking jibberish, it’s worth cold hard cash, to someone else.

Obama touts jobs plan in North Carolina

Then a Republican looked at him funny, and he backed down from the entire thing.

Weiner’s Refusal to Resign Hurting Democrats?

Huh huh… Weiner.

If showing your dick on the Internet leads to shame, why am I so vain?

Obama administration unveils programs to build the smart grid

*More sideways Republican glances*

The Senate only responds to one kind of “green.”

Rapture Preacher Suffers Stroke, Now in Hospital

Maybe some of the idiots who sold all of their belongings anticipating the rapture can offer up some prayers for him?

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