Pearls of Wisdom from J.Miz

by J.MIZ
edited by ANDREW HICKS

  • Tell ya who Nancy Reagan DIDN'T "just say no" to -- Frank Sinatra. Bow chicka wow wow!

    If at first you don’t succeed, try something you don’t suck at.

  • To thine own self be true, but lie to others so you look better.
  • What goes up must defy physics, so catch that shit, exploit it, and sell it by the gram.
  • That which does not kill us only proves it’s a pussy.
  • Misery loves hostages.
  • Those who see the glass as half-full are optimists. Those who see it as half-empty are alcoholics.
  • Just say no way am I passing up free drugs.
  • He who laughs last is retarded and didn’t get the joke.
  • Rome wasn’t built in a day, because they didn’t have enough Africans and Jews.
  • Silence now has less value than gold.
  • If you love somebody, set them free. If they come back, they obviously didn’t hear about your new boyfriend.
  • The caged bird sings because he and the cat are plotting your murder.
  • There’s no time like the present, except when it comes to death.
  • For every door that closes, Home Depot sells a sledge hammer.
  • You are your brother’s keeper if he already got busted with weed.
  • Don’t judge a book by its cover, especially if it’s a black book, because then you’re just being racist.
  • Do onto others EXACTLY what they have done unto you, with VENGEANCE.
  • You can’t teach an old dog new tricks, but boy do they love peanut butter!
  • If you don’t have anything nice to say, go kick somebody’s ass.
  • For every positive action, there’s an equally negative reaction from a guy who needs anger management skills.
  • The best things in life are expensive and illegal.
  • Only the good die young, except in Texas. Texas doesn’t give a fuck.
  • The early bird gets nothing done because he’s been up all night sucking dick for 8-balls.
  • Don’t cry over spilled anything. If we didn’t spill, janitors would lose their jobs.
  • A penny saved is a penny closer to a lap dance.
  • Time waits for no man except when he scored some good shrooms.
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