Nursery Rhymes Are Stupid

by WOO

What is this one really about?

Ring Around The Rosies

Ring around the rosies
Pocket full of posies
Ashes ashes
ROFLPLAGUE!

———-

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

Twinkle twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are (You just said it’s a star, dumbshit!)
Up above the world so high
Like a diamond in the sky (Diamond? Have you taken geometry? You already said it’s a star!)
Twinkle twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are (Didn’t I just tell you?!)

———-

There Was An Old Woman

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe
She had so many children, she didn’t know what to do
She gave them some broth, without any bread
Whipped them all soundly, and sent them to bed

MODERNIZED:

There was an old hood rat who lived in the ‘jects,
She had eight children for the welfare checks
On the first of the month they ate upper class
by the 15th the kids whined about hunger, and mom beat that ass

———-

Little Miss Muffet

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider
Who sat down beside her
And frightened Miss Muffet away

This is about an actual girl, Patience Muffet, whose father was an entomologist. He sat a spider near her and she got scared and ran away. So, he scares the shit out of his kid, then he writes a poem about it that becomes famous? Seems like an interesting methodology. I will just have to try it!

Little Gamer Deven

Little Gamer Deven sat around all day
playing video games until the late night,
Sneaking in came Woo,
dropping on Deven’s head a steaming poo,
causing Deven much duress and fright.

I’M GONNA BE FAMOUS, BITCHES!

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