Dicks: A Song About Sausage Fests

Paul Lao is himself a dick.

by PAUL LAO
edited by ANDREW HICKS

[To the tune of any piece-of-shit song by Papa Roach]

VERSE 1
This place is so great, there is so much beer.
Alright Mikey, we’ll walk around
If you and I split up we’ll cover more ground
In a half an hour we’ll try and meet here
Once we find girls we’ll probably find more beer
Oh, wait a minute, I’ve become out of touch
There’s something amiss, there’s something too much.
A guy over here, a guy over there
OMG, what a nightmare!
I hope this is some kind of trick
’cause I think we are surrounded by DICK.

CHORUS
Dicks! Dicks! Dicks!
I’m sick of looking at pricks
Dicks! Dicks! Dicks!
These are horrible statistics.
You know that there is a confounding factor
One obvious detractor
That that none of us can fix
It’s the incredible population of dicks! Dicks! Dicks!

VERSE 2
Hey, there buddy, what up guy?
Who’s your bro? Fix his fly.
Here’s an idea for the X-Box
We have four controllers, yet we have six cocks
Check out this Manwich, I’ve seen this in Fiji
You can be Mario, you be Luigi
I’ll be Bowser, then we’ll all drop our trousers
And then the world will see
A chalice of phallus, a palace of penis
Men are from Mars, girls have seen this
And they all must know, where not to go
THIS ISN’T THE PLANET VENUS!
It’s just you and you and you and you just a bunch of PENIS!

CHORUS 2
Penis! Penis! Penis!
I think we’ve already seen this
I find it so odd
That there are so many peas in a pod
I think we should keep this between us
Because the fact is that I am singing about penis

VERSE 3
We’ll hire a band
Do a keg stand
Play flippy cup
To show them what’s up
Ton’s of beer pong
We’ll start up a song
And as they all dance
There might be a chance
That we can finally stop this bromance
This shall be our fix
I’ll rid us of these cursed dicks

CHORUS 3
Dicks! Dicks! Dicks!
I’m starting to get facial tics
What is, sink the biz
Fill up a cup, drop it in
Soon you will see balls on your chin
A field of dreams is now a field of sticks
You’re living in the land, the land of dicks
Who is that with the long hair?
Is it a hippie? Should I find out, should I dare?
I can’t believe I missed her
Oh wait, that’s no girl, that’s my sister!

FEMALE SOLOIST
Give me a break, oh please
I’m just a cock tease
Do I look like a pimp’s trick?
Get your ribs removed, you can suck your own dick

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