The Streak

by ALI STEIN
edited by ANDREW HICKS

Last time, we got lost...

As I sit here typing, I should be packing for my business trip this weekend. I leave for Dallas, Texas, tonight for a four-day jewelry seminar/training marathon. It’s a break from the everyday stuff in my life, which is great, but it also kinda sucks because we’re driving there. Eight women, two vehicles, 10+ hours. Yay. Not.

I don’t mind being on the road, but the crowded vehicles and lack of sleep are already getting to me. I am not a happy person when I am sleep-deprived. I love my sleep, and when I am tired, little things that normally wouldn’t get to me, will completely piss me off. For example:

SCENARIO A (Well-rested Natalie):

PASSENGER: Hey, Pirate Hooker! We blew a tire! What are we going to do?

ME: Oh, that’s okay, I have a AAA card. We can call the tow truck, and let’s sing some songs while we wait. Tee hee.

Scenario B (When I have NOT had some sleep):

PASSENGER: Hey, Pirate Hooker! We blew a tire! What are we going to do?

ME: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU ASKING ME FOR?! ITS NOT MY DAMN CAR! ASK ME ANOTHER FUCKING QUESTION, AND I WILL MAKE LIGHTNING RAIN FROM THE SKY, ZAPPING YOUR ASS INTO THE FIFTH DIMENSION, WHERE THEY WILL USE YOUR SKIN AS COATS FOR THEIR CHILDREN AND ROAST THE MEAT OFF YOUR BONES TO FEED THEIR DOGS! IT PUTS THE LOTION ON!

It’s always a good thing to let me sleep. Unfortunately, I can already tell that, on this trip, some people are going to make it really hard for me to maintain my Never Killed A Bitch streak.

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