3DSC, Day 5: Favorite commercial jingle

by WE’RE NOT FUNNY
edited by ANDREW HICKS

WNF 30-DAY SONG CHALLENGE
DAY 5: FAVORITE COMMERCIAL JINGLE

^ Exists.

RYAN KRAUSE
“Big or small
Short or tall
Gay or straight
You can find it all at Overweight Date.

That’s right, http://www.overweightdate.com.

J.MIZ
OMG! Ryan needs pussy if he’s chubby-chasing. Poor guy. Fuck… And that’s now my fav jingle as well.

RYAN KRAUSE
I heard it on AOL Radio while listening to the metal station.

SARA J ROSE
Always did like the Kit Kat jingle… “Give me a break, give me a break, break me off a piece of that…”

JAMES DRAPER
“Pow-Pow Power Wheels!” The “588-2300-Empire” jingle from broadcasts of Cubs games. Jim Gaffigan built his whole career from the Hot Pockets song.

BUDDAH ESKEW
FreeCreditReport.com band is awesome… “I wish I were an Oscar Meyer weiner…” The Chili’s baby back ribs song is catchy too… Too many to choose from… Damn you, Hicks!

MICHELLE DEE
I used to like “My Buddy” when I was younger, but now I’m older, I know what stalking is, and I’ve seen Child’s Play. So now it’s just creepy.

J.MIZ
I hate one. Sounds horrible, but the Stand Up To Cancer theme song. It’s like some halfwit, special-ed, B-list, meh-type, wannabe “We Are the World” / “Do They Know It’s Christmas” shit, bad attempt at gaining some cancer-based solidarity. Like fuck, you couldn’t even have gotten the “She Bangs” guy from Idol or any pseudo-singer to stand their ass up for cancer? And what if they have cancer and can’t stand up? Racists!

"Wentworth" / "net worth" pun to be inserted later.

INSCRUTABLE JEFFREY TROTTER
Not sure what jingle I like, but I can tell you one I hate. There is a company called J.G. Wentworth. They specialize in helping people who are being paid annuities to get all monies owed to them in a lump sum. They have an ad that takes place on a city bus, where all the passengers bemoan their lack of funds despite being paid an annuity, then they sing the praises of J.G. Wentworth. In the form of an opera. I really, really hate it. Not Ween-type hate, but I hate it quite a bit.

J.MIZ
J.G. Wentworth > Ween.
I like the jingle the bell makes on the Mexican paletas cart! Una horchata y una pina, por favor!

JESS NORTON
There was an insane Sports Chalet commercial I would hear while growing up in Southern California. Very “rockin’.” I later heard Dave Navarro singing it on his radio show, and no one knew what he was talking about.

J.MIZ
Wish I could remember the Rent-a-Rim jingle from L.A., but I was always laughing so hard I’d only catch half of it. It was a ghetto blend of reggae music and monster truck rally announcer speak. (“Sunday! Sunday! Sunday!”)

SARA J ROSE
“Break me off a piece of that BIG HARD DICK.”
Really. I’d eat it. Or put it in a jar. Or send it to your grandma for Christmas. It’s a precious piece of energy in the universe.
That would bring me such joy.

JESSICA STIMSON
“Snap into a Slim Jim!”

SARA J ROSE
But it’s sooooo… slim.

JESSICA STIMSON
And snappable!

SARA J ROSE
Oh, but that shit has to bend like there’s no tomorrow, or there’s really no working with it.

J.MIZ
New subcategory: Food I Wanna Ride.

SARA J ROSE
Oh oh, a big piece of chorizo? “Break me off a piece of that big hot chorizo.”

There are many reasons not to trust a robot bear named Billy Bob who plays a square guitar made out of a tree stump.

JESSICA STIMSON
“You can laugh, you can play
You can do it your way
Showbiz Pizza, where a kid can be a kid!”

ANDREW HICKS
Thanks for conjuring the image of those creepy-ass animatronic band animals at Showbiz/Chuck E. Cheese. Billy Bob and Mitzi and shit.

SARA J ROSE
Like you weren’t handling yourself to them already…

ANDREW HICKS
I gotta stop posting my schedule online. How’d you crack the code that “1:45 am – Happy bathroom time” means “Busy masturbating to off-rhythm Showbiz lip-synch animals”?

SARA J ROSE
I assume what I’m doing, you’re doing.

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