3DSC, Day 4: A song that infuriates you

by WE’RE NOT FUNNY
edited by ANDREW HICKS


THE WNF 30-DAY SONG CHALLENGE
DAY 4: A SONG THAT INFURIATES YOU

"COLLECTION OF BUTCHERY IN MY TOOL SHED! / FEMALE HEADS AND ENTRAILS HANG FROM THE CEILING! / RATS FEASTING ON CHUNKS OF SKIN! / SHIT AND BLOOD STAINS SMEARED ON THE FLOOR! / NUM NUM NUM NUM NUM!!!"

SCOTTY HARRIS
Any song that contains use of “words” that can’t be found in a dictionary. By that, I mean rap, whatever that screaming crap is where they change pitch but never actually say anything, and a surprisingly large number of country songs.

J.MIZ
Ugh, I hate screamo Cookie Monster music too. “Gimme cookie / Gimme cookie / Gimme cookie / Dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!” And I hate country, save for some old stuff or the more pop-sounding new stuff.

INSCRUTABLE JEFFREY TROTTER
I really fucking hate the Ween song “Push th’ Little Daisies.” Not only is the song irritating like a “Judging Amy “marathon, but I also find the abbreviated “the” to be so incredibly fucking stupid that I very nearly don’t have the words. Fuck this song. Fuck this band and the two douchebags it’s comprised of with their made up fucking rhymefest names.

INSCRUTABLE JEFFREY TROTTER
I fucking hate WEEN!

J.MIZ
I hate weenises.

MICHELLE DEE
American Pie.” That’s right, I went there. Hate that song ever since I started frequenting karaoke. What kind of timecow are you to sing “American Pie” when 25 other people only have 3.5 hours to sing as many songs as they can?

Jenny Lewis. Don't worry, we haven't heard of her either.

J.MIZ
I want to throat-punch baby duckies anytime I hear Jenny Lewis‘ voice. And I’d rather lick Ke$ha‘s panty liner then hear fucktard Fergie with that “London Bridge” song.

ANDREW HICKS
I fly into a rage — albeit a gentle, adult contemporary-type rage — if I hear Lonestar‘s “Amazed” or its even shittier follow-up ripoff rewrite “Already There.” It takes BALLS to call a song that literally goes right back cannibalize the original song’s structure “Already There.” Damn right you were already there, jackoffs.

JAMES DRAPER
Anything by Justin Bieber or Lady GaGa. If I’m hearing a song by either, it means they’re still famous.

J.MIZ
I have to add Metallica‘s “Seek and Destroy.” A guy would come in on Sundays when I bartended and play it repeatedly. It got to the point that, when he walked in, I’d pause the jukebox and yell, “Hey asshole! You get one, buddy! So you better save it up! You try playing it more that once, I’m skipping your shit, and there’s no refunds!”

ANDREW HICKS
When my wife bartended briefly in a shithole, somebody used to put “Crazy Bitch” on the bar jukebox at least once an hour… well, okay, sometimes I’d wait up to 90 minutes between plays.

J.MIZ
Please, everyone — spare your poor bartenders by NOT playing “Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy” or “Bad Bad Girlfriend.” We hear that shit three to five times a day… plz? k. thx! bai…

JESS NORTON
Dream Weaver” drives me self-trepanning. So fey and boring as fuck. If dreams are woven to that song, then I pray for Freddy Kreuger to kill me.

SARA J ROSE
“Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down)” by Cher. There’s a horrible 150 bpm version they play at Curves with Tetris music in the background. I guess the orginal was used on the Kill Bill soundtrack, but i want to stab myself in the eye every time i hear it.

J.MIZ
“Bang Bang”… Curves… Tetris… Brain melt in 5-4-3…

EDITOR’S NOTE: It has come to our attention that Cookie Monster plagiarized his lyrics from the Putrid Pile song “Collection of Butchery.” He has promised to just sing about cookies next time.

One Comment to “3DSC, Day 4: A song that infuriates you”

  1. FYI guys, Jenny Lewis is the front woman of an alt-band named Rilo Kiley. Even more fun fact, before that she was in a little movie with Fred Savage called The Wizard. Power Glove anyone? That said, the most “I must kill myself now to no longer hear this” song of all time is this:

    I did a little survey on Reddit once, and this was the clear winner of the worst band of all time.

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