Scariest Celebrity Women To Not Have Sex With

by BUDDAH ESKEW
edited by ANDREW HICKS

HILARY CLINTON
I predict there is a lot of pent-up sexual frustration here, and her penis is   bigger than Bill’s. So I’ve heard.

FRAN DRESCHER
The voice! The voice! Did I mention the voice?

ZSA ZSA GABOR
One foot in the grave is sexy. Zsa Zsa has both feet in, and they’re Size 14s. Too old? Well, yeah, but bottom line: Too wrinkled and dry.

ANGELINA JOLIE
Hot? Yes, in a certain light, though I shrink up like a scared turtle.

LADY GAGA
Can you say “dominatrix”?

DOLLY MADISON
Okay, she’s dead, that’s sick. However, any chick with snack cakes makes me hard.

MARILYN MANSON
This chick can sing, but there is just something about her…

SARAH PALIN
See LADY GAGA.

OPRAH WINFREY
Damned! Look at the bank account on this chick. Now look at her body.  Throwing up a little. OKAY, A LOT!

RENEE ZELLWEGER
I think she is doggy. I foresee a sequel: Bridget Jones’ Diarrhea.

No matter how tempted you are by fortune, fame or kickass snack cakes, do not — I repeat, DO NOT! — have sex with these celebrities.

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