An Hour Left!

by ANDREW HICKS

Has this happened to you? You’re watching a movie. You’re enjoying it, you’re entertained, you think it’s winding down, you go to check the timer on the DVD remote — and there’s AN HOUR LEFT!

You knew it was a 150-minute time commitment. You feel like you’ve already invested that much. Now you’re trying to figure out what could possibly still happen to these characters in this movie. Will they introduce a long-lost relative? Is the main character going to get cancer? Is it about to turn into a musical?

My favorite part of a long, epic movie is always the first half. I love the epic setup. I usually had my fill in the VHS days right around the part where you switched to Tape 2. I never got to Tape 2. I’d be talking about one of those movies with someone like, “Yeah, Schindler’s List was awesome.”

They’d be like, “What about the part where they were slaughtering all the Jews?”

“What? Don’t remember that part. Are you sure we were watching the same movie? The movie I was watching was this great cinematic exercise where they were setting up a cool black-and-white factory.”

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