Deep. End.

by JAMES DRAPER
edited by ANDREW HICKS

It’s kind of weird when you have one of those “big picture” moments, when something happens to you — or someone around you — that makes you reflect on the sum of the parts in life. I had kind of a big-picture weekend.

On Friday night, I attended a visitation to mourn the loss of a friend. I knew her better and was much closer to her in high school and a little bit after that. But, as most friendships go, we lost touch and hadn’t seen each other in a long time. In the past few years, I would see her once in a blue moon. We’d talk for a bit, the usual, “How’s your family? What’ve you been up to?” and things like that. We weren’t very close, but we were still friends, and we had shared some good times together. It was sad to have seen her for the last time. And to know that those who were much closer to her would miss her even more.

This made me contemplate the fragility of life. How short it is and how it could end at any moment. Not so much “the meaning” or “reason” of life but those missed opportunities to let others know how much they meant to you. How they’ve helped form the person you are today. I know that every person who has been a part of my life, no matter the role they played, big or small, created the person I am today. I am very grateful for that, and I try to thank them as often as possible. (Not all of them in person. Such as, the assholes that formed the part of me that says, I can’t trust anyone. Although I am thankful for those experiences.)

On Saturday night, I celebrated the start of my life for the 35th time. (Yeah, I’m old! So what? Y’wanna fight about it?) I had a lot of friends and family over. There was cake and whiskey (and stuff), and I had a wonderful time! We stayed up late, sharing stories and giving each other crap for things we did “that one time at that one place with the thing.”

It was another moment to make me appreciate the people and experiences I’ve had in my life. To be thankful of the opportunities I’ve had to share these times together, whether they are jubilant or somber. What does all this mean?

It probably means I’m thinking way too fucking hard about shit!

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