How Not To Internet Date, 15 Feb. 2011

by Michelle Dee

Being a girl on a social networking site you learn really fast that you are a target for losers looking for a booty call. This is the case no matter what your relationship status. I found so much humor in this that I decided to create a singles profile on a dating website just to bait suckers like the one below. Please, enjoy the outcome!

leftyboy:
hi im Glenn

leftyboy:
good morn sweety i just read ur profile n it seems we r interested in some the same things hit me up if u wanna talk but b4 5 cuz i gotta worl btw im Glenn

Michelle Dee:
did you read the part where I hate text speech?

leftyboy:
yes i did wat u saying want a phone number lol!

Michelle Dee:
No I’m saying I like words to be spelled out or to translate foryou”No i’m saying I like wordz 2 b spelt out.”

leftyboy:
ok im sorry i got ya im a lil new at this whole dating site thing

Michelle Dee:
the dating site has nothing to do with one’s cognitive functions;)

leftyboy:
ok smarty pants i said ill type full words for you laugh out loud!

leftyboy:
leftyboy has sent you a rose. Each user can send 2 roses over the course of 30 days. by the way, I think you are very attractive do you have a Valentine?

leftyboy:
im sorry hun if i scared u off i guess my loss hu?

Michelle Dee:
I can’t stand Valentines. Overly commercialized, overly crowded and full of gimmicky crap. Bah Humbug

leftyboy:
I never cared for it either I just figured as a woman you loved them Im sorry for assuming

leftyboy:
Good Morn, hun Im sorry If I was A lil out of it last night but I just got home from work and I was a lil tired hope u still would liketo talk.

Michelle Dee:
I dunno I might be a tad busy standing barefoot in the kitchen, making sandwiches and hoping someone sends me a box of chocolates.

leftyboy:
So Im Glenn and I dont get u I thought valentines Day was overlycommercialized to u and gimmicky now u want chocolates? you got a name?

Michelle Dee:
My name is Cruella

Michelle Dee:
Who said anything about Valentines Day.. I just like bon bons while I watch my stories.

leftyboy:
very pretty name to go with a very pretty woman

leftyboy:
I love it! lolI guess i was assuming again sorry

leftyboy:
sorry i meant laugh out loud!

Michelle Dee:
hahahaha! Are you into pegging?

leftyboy:
what is pegging? never heard of it but interested

Michelle Dee:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=pegging
anal sex reveresed. instead of the man sticking his penis up the womans butt, the woman wears a strap-on and sticks it up the mans butt.

leftyboy:
heck no!

leftyboy:
not interested in pegging sorry

leftyboy:
you won i wont message u again!

2 Comments to “How Not To Internet Date, 15 Feb. 2011”

  1. OMG! I’ve never laughed so hard in my life!

  2. LOVE it.

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