Valentine’s Quickies With Buddah

by BUDDAH ESKEW
edited by ANDREW HICKS

For the lovers and just plain masturbators out there, this is my bouquet of twisted Valentine tips:

  • Introduce your white girlfriend to your black girlfriend and serenade them with a sexy version of “Ebony and Ivory.”
  • Guys, write her a romantic poem: “Through all the things that came to pass / Our love has grown / And so has your ass.” Um, Hallmark cards are also an affordable way to tell her how much you love her.
  • Give her a box of chocolates. Tip: if you make it dark chocolate, you can celebrate two Valentine’s Day and Black History Month simultaneously.
  • Stop after work and pick up some flowers. Most cemeteries are open until sundown. To save even more money, skip buying a vase and have lady hold legs in air and insert flowers directly into vagina.
  • Duct tape. Because silence is golden. Although showers can be golden, too.

One Comment to “Valentine’s Quickies With Buddah”

  1. I wish my man had followed your V day tips…

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