______ of the Christ

by WE’RE NOT FUNNY
edited by ANDREW HICKS


  • Wanted for dining and dashing, making big promises.

    Jesus snuck out of Denny’s without paying for breakfast… DASHIN’ OF THE CHRIST.

  • I heard Jesus is representing Galilee in a beauty pageant… SASHIN’ OF THE CHRIST.
    • Got a hot Jesus you need to hide until the trail runs cold? Sounds like it’s time for… STASHIN’ OF THE CHRIST.
    • Opening his robe while in public… FLASHIN’ OF THE CHRIST.
    • Dude’s got these sweet-ass gladiator sandals… FASHION OF THE CHRIST.
    • He wore that belt with those robes? That’s some serious CLASHIN’ OF THE CHRIST.
    • Big-booty Jesus… KARDASHIAN OF THE CHRIST.
    • Divine special order at the medical marijuana dispensary? HASHIN’ OF THE CHRIST.
    • You can only get so much Jesus per day… RATION OF THE CHRIST.
    • Jesus overcooked his steak. Chewing on that thing is gonna require some GNASHIN’ OF THE CHRIST.
    • I heard Jesus shaved off his beard. Yup, for the time being he’s just going with a little STACHIN’ OF THE CHRIST.
    • Wild and wonderful Jesus of West Virginia… APPALACHIAN OF THE CHRIST.
    • I don’t mind the walking on water thing, but I wish he’d stop kicking it in my face. I’m tired of the SPLASHIN’ OF THE CHRIST!
    • Jesus likes to get all the lumps out of his potatoes… MASHIN’ OF THE CHRIST.
    • The Jesus I grew up with was all HOOD, always talkin about bustin caps… BLASSIN’ OF THE CHRIST.
    • I always imagined when Jesus comes back it will be like a nuclear alarm sounding off… CLAXON OF THE CHRIST.
    • Jesus was mostly a good kid, but he got a detention at school once for talking too much about himself in class… INFRACTION OF THE CHRIST.
    • Jesus got a D in Driver’s Ed… CRASHIN’ OF THE CHRIST.
    • If Jesus took over the body of O.J… yes, SLASHIN’ OF THE CHRIST.
    • Mel Gibson made a movie once… CASH-IN OF THE CHRIST.
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