Pirate Hooker Hysterics

by NATALIE “PIRATE HOOKER” STEINACKER

  • Ever feel like giving someone a love pat? Right on the head, with a 2×4?
  • Nursing Home residents like to blare classical and Johnny Cash, my generation will be blaring Disturbed and Eminem… just saying.
  • You know those signs you see that say “Drive Carefully. We love our children”? Well, DUH!!! You’re not gonna see a sign that says, “Gun it, we’ll make more!”
  • I betcha that in 1910 they thought that a hundred years later, there would be flying cars and robots. But NO, all we have is funny-shaped rubber bands and backwards robes.
  • As the tornado warnings scrolled across the bottom of my TV screen, I noticed the scroll was sponsored by “John Beal, 1-800-NEW-ROOF.” Ironic…
  • While it’s raining today I thought it would be fun to run outside and scream, “It burns!! It burns!!”
  • The kids are currently in the kitchen, training to be Jedis. They said Darth Vader is coming for Christmas, and they need to be ready. I sure hope Santa’s not bringing Darth. What will he do if he doesn’t like the ham I am making? Mind-choke me?
  • So, you say that paper beats rock? You sure about that? Hold a piece of paper in front of your face. I’ll throw the rock.
  • I never thought I would ever have to say, “Sean, Please do not shoot the nativity set with your laser gun.”
  • Eventually everything falls into place. If it doesn’t, I find that hammers work very well :-)
  • You are six years old and have a cellphone?! Who are you going to call, Elmo?
  • “Hello, you have reached the profile of Natalie Steinacher. I cannot come to the wall right now, I am in the Naughty Chair again. Leave a comment at the beep, and I’ll get back to you…” Beep.
  • Pondering… If girls with large “you knows” work at Hooters, than why don’t the waitresses at IHOP have only one leg?
  • What would you say if asked you where the brake line on your car was… and how much wire cutters cost?
  • I am (buffering) really (buffering) tired (buffering) of (buffering) satellite (buffering………………..) Internet!!!!!!
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