SWF In Search Of…

By J. MIZ

I few years ago, I had a boyfriend with extreme ADD and ADHD. I’d grown up with a sibling who had ADD, which made me extremely patient. HOWEVER… it was EXHAUSTING! My boyfriend’s IQ was half of mine, and he was always stoned, so I had continual opportunities to Jedi Mind Fuck him. He pretty much believed anything I told him and expected nothing but niceties from me. That, good people, is exactly where he fucked up.

Far be it from me to claim full sanity. I have suffered depression, anxiety and slight obsessive-compulsive disorder in regards to my closet. Clothes are hung by sleeve length, collar type, skirts, pants, suits then dresses. I get nutters if it isn’t maintained that way. As my mom says, “A little OCD is okay if it’s productive.”

One year, a few days before his birthday, he went on one of his blabbermouth tirades. All he did was bitch and moan and whine as I sat there on our bed, brain completely numb. I believe people should be able to vent, but CHRIST! MAN UP BRO!

My horrible trixie brain formulated a plan to defer his focus to something else. “Hey! I know it’s a few days away, but I want to give you a present since your day was shitty.”

He exclaims, “Really?!?! You got me something already? Where is it?”

I reply, “It’s in the closet. It’s not wrapped, but that’s okay. You can still have it.”

Excitedly, he asks as he opens the closet, “Where?”

Directing him, I say, “Look all the way to the right. Do you see that see-through thingy with the fur on it I wear to the city sometimes? It’s one hanger over to the right.”

He looks at me confused as he pulls out a strapless silver and black stretch mini-dress. So I explain, “YEAH! IT’S A  FUCKING DRESS! PUT THAT SHIT ON AND QUIT YOUR FUCKING CRYING, LITTLE GIRL! I’LL BE RIGHT BACK!”

Still in shock, he asks where I’m going. I retort, “THE BATHROOM! YOU NEED A TAMPON AND SOME GLITTER TO GO WITH THAT, BITCH!”

so, I’ve been single for about a year now and have been thinking about getting back in the dating game.

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