Special Christmas Message

by REVEREND ISAIAH “PRAYER” FOHMUNEE

This is your Reverend, over at the First Apostolic Landmark Diastolic Systolic Anastomotic  Missionary Free Methodist Double Double Rock Rock In The Path To Zion Halfway To Heaven Holiness Baptist Church Of The Immaculate Preconceived Interventionist Episcopal Conceptualization Temple. I would like to wish you a Merry Christmas on behalf of my congregation, and We’re Not Funny. Oh, and for you heathens, Happy Holidays as well. You bunch of Quasi Kwanzaa, Half-Ass Hanukkah, Superfluous Solstice celebrators. Jesus loves you anyway, yes, yes he do. And now, allow me to lead you in this here prayer:

Dear Godaaaaa,

I comes to ya Lord. I said, I stands before ya Jesusaaa. I said I humbly humbly humbly lay my soul bare to you Gee-Hov-aaaaa, to thank ya’ Lord for the many blessings you hath given. This Christmas season’a, there are so many Lord, so many who do not have a Playstation 3. I said no Playstation 3. Some of ’em Lord, they got three Playstation 1’s. But in your omnipotence Lord I know you know that ain’t the same’a. I said you know that ain’t ain’t ain’t the same! We not askin’ for the keys to the kingdom here Fatha’. We just need us some entertainments. We also know Savior, that there are those brothers and sisters among us driving around in 1986 Chevy Citations. I said a Haaaaatchbaaack’a. Oh Dear Jeeeeesus, you know the reliability just isn’t there Lord. How can we spread your word when the car won’t start? How can we make a sinner desire what we have with you Lord’a, when they see us in the hoopty. Reverend get lonely Lord, I said loooonely Lord. How’s a humble humble servant supposed to get some companionship on these cold cold nights of the Christmas Season? Maybach! Oh yes Lord’a. I said a brotha’ need to lay-back in the Maybach! Represent your name in style. P. Diddy only spreads the name of P. Diddy Laaaawd, but he get to lay-back’a. I said I need the Maybach’a. I come humbly humbly humbly before you with such a simple request’a. But I digress’a. Gee-Hov-aaaaa, bless these WNF reader’s this season. Let ’em know you the reason.

Ameeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeennnnaaa.

Yo’ offerings can be mailed right on in to Jesuuuuuus here:

F.A.L.D.S.A.M.F.M.D.D.R.R.I.T.P.T.Z.H.T.H.H.B.C.O.T.I.P.I.E.C.T. 
C/O Reverend Isaiah "Prayer" Fohmunee
P.O. Box 777
Holiness Chapel Village, New York 77777
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