WNF Holiday Shopping Guide, Pt. 2

by We’re Not Funny as written by Woo

We’re back, with more amazing items for your perusal! This is more exciting than Cop Rock!

Yeah, you’re reading that correctly. I said yes already! Subtle Butt, ok? These rectangular strips of fabric and activated carbon are your stinky asses new best-friend. Or your best-friend’s stinky asses new best… chance at having more friends than just you? It’s not your fault you were born with no scent receptors, stop your whining! Forget your impotent smellbuds and think of someone else for a change! This compact fart filter is yearning to slide down the crack of your rancid ass right now. Your only other options are complete social ostracization, or shoving actual charcoal right into the starfish’s mouth. Save the charcoal for the grill, and get these for those bologna blocks you call an ass. And, hey, while you’re over there ordering cloth stickers for your budonk, why not look at a few of their other products: Knicker Stickers, Delicates Defender, Nipplomats, The Perk Up, Skid out, and Drip Sticks. You can’t write this shit folks.

Speaking of ass… This little item is the True Clean Towel. It’s clearly marked with top and bottom areas. So when you shower up before that hot date you’re never going to go on, you won’t dry your face with the same spot you dried your tail-feather with. Never again will you have to endure a pube-in-teeth incident. Oh stop, denial does not look good on you!

I’m not going to spend much time on this one. This ignoramo-contraption is called the Tapi. You put it on your faucet, and it let’s the water flow as normal. Then if you squeeze the bottom the water shoots through the air in a pretty amazing parabolic spectacle. An arch for you lay-men.  It makes it into a water-fountain, ok? For $5.00 you can have a water fountain on any faucet. For ninety-nine cents you can buy a cup you self-righteous douche! I’m positive children all across the U.S. are going to love finding this sink-nipple in their stockings this year.

This product is pure evil. For millenia men have sought to know if the curtains match the carpet. Well this Betty Color is for dying the divot. Coloring the Coochie. Re-hueing the Richard Receptacle. Pubic hair dye. We here at We’re Not Funny are hurt. We trusted you ladies, and you lied to us!

Diaka Vodka. What makes this Vodka special? Is it the Crystal bottle it comes in? Nah. The $100.00 a bottle cost? Doubtful. How about this; it is filtered with real diamonds. We don’t think that’s very special either. Filtering is about grabbing impurities. Being harder than anything, diamonds would just allow impurities to pass-through. If anything this is shittier vodka than that Wango Tango Mango piss-water you’ve been buying for $8.99 a fifth. But, as with anything for the extravagant, it’s more about bragging rights. Come on, son. It’s filtered with mother fucking diamonds. That’s Baller Shit!

One Comment to “WNF Holiday Shopping Guide, Pt. 2”

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