WikiFreaks

by We’re Not Funny

We’re Not Funny, like the rest of you, has been bombarded with media coverage and words of soundbite wisdom from TV talking heads about WikiLeaks, the controversial site that releases classified government information online. Much of the information that’s been leaked so far basically consists of mundane gossip about foreign dignitaries. It reminds us of that scene in Mean Girls where all the secret gossip about the junior class in the Burn Book gets photocopied and spread around school.

WikiLeaks has become so talked-about that online porn parody sites are already starting to rear their (wiki-)freak heads. Now nipple fetishists can visit WikiTweaks.com or watch shy virgins break out of their shells at WikiMeeks.com. Look hard enough in the adult crates at the flea market and you may even find an old-school VHS copy of Helen of Troy and the “Trojan Horse” in the Greased Palm Award-winning 1986 classic WikiGreeks.

There are even crazier wiki-kinks to be had:
-BJs from birds at WikiBeaks.com
-Arabian princes go wild at WikiSheiks.com
-Erotic skidmark play at WikiStreaks.com-Some weird shit involving vegetables at WikiLeeks.com

But we know what you’re going to say: “These suggestions are great and all, WNF, but we don’t watch Internet pornography.” Yeah right, and we’re not funny. Assuming you use the Internet for scholarly purposes only, allow us at We’re Not Funny to warn you, if you want to visit the famous government-secret site everyone’s been talking about, go to WikiLeaks.ORG. If you go to WikiLeaks.COM by mistake, you’ll happen upon a porn site starring a 23-year-old Belgian heroin addict who goes by the name Wiki and does all her leaking on camera.

In all seriousness, though, the difference between the reality of WikiLeaks and the fictionalized Burn Book hysteria of Mean Girls is that the stuff that our heroes are doing for us needs to be kept secret because the media distorts it. Sure, video footage of a helicopter opening fire on unarmed humans looks bad at first, until you realize that the enemy is hard to shoot at, so they need practice. Even heroes have to warm up, after all.

 

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