Felonious Thelonious

by Andrew Hicks and J. Miz

Andrew: Jazz great commits a serious crime: FELONIOUS THELONIOUS.

J.Miz – Thelonious was very progressive… yet retro. Imagine the power of MONK FUNK!

J.Miz – If she woulda been resourceful and started a business I may have had many more recordings by my fave! Say a BILLIE HOLIDAY INN…

Andrew – That’d be a good place to stay after you’d ridden many MILES from home on the COLTRANE.

J.Miz – Imagine if Ms. Fitzgerald went hip hop… Greatest hits would be HELLA ELLA.

Andrew – All that time lifting that heavy trumpet made LOUIE’s ARMSTRONG.

J.Miz – And Charlie Parker and a BABY duet album… BLACK BIRDS.

Andrew – Parker spent some time doing hype man-stuff on the mic at a carnival… CHARLIE BARKER.

J.Miz – I heard that! Even did a thing at a world’s fair when the DUKE had his lil invention. It could guess weight by an olfactory process… the ELLINGTON SMELLINGTON.

Andrew – Freddie Hubbard worked a summer in the Olfactory. Hated it.

Andrew – Jelly Roll Morton invented an amazing bakery dessert. Can’t remember the name of it for the life of me.

J.Miz – And if ANYONE coulda revolutionized the porn industry… DICK JOHNSON.

J.Miz – Imagine if he teamed up w/ FELA KUTI! FTW!!!

Andrew – Dizzy Gillespie had the world’s worst case of vertigo.

J.Miz – I heard it was pretty addictive… often caused suicide attempts… thus the nickname FATS WALLER! Drove his car into a club!

Andrew ‎– “Fats Waller” sounds like something Fela Kuti might have to do after blowing 5 dudes at once.

Andrew – Count Basie went on to work 40+ seasons on Sesame Street as a number-obsessed vampire muppet.

Andrew – Count Basie? One. One Basie.

J.Miz – A lot of this addictive and destructive behaviour influenced & affected electric jazz and fusion artists… That’s why there is a less known album by Yanni… LIVE FROM THE TERROR DOME: CONVERSATIONS W/ MYSELF. I hear you can sync it up w THE WIZ and shit’s CRAZY SON!

Andrew – Herbie Hancock made a porn video, but the whole thing was just him playing with himself.

J.Miz – Did that spawn an album w/ Trent Rezner: COMPILATION MASTURBATION??!?!

Andrew – Nine inches? Yeah right, Trent.

Anonymous friend of Andrew’s – Erroneous. This whole conversation is erroneous!

J.Miz – Who the fuck is this guy??? Oh how cute! He thinks we’re rhyming THELONIUS, awwwwww.

Andrew – I figure that brings it full circle, and I’m out!

J.Miz – Thank y’all for coming out! God bless and goodnight! **drops mic**

One Comment to “Felonious Thelonious”

%d bloggers like this: